Nobody Moves, Nobody Gets Hurt
by Magenta's Nightmare
Summary: Carol is struggling to keep things together with her boyfriend Dylan as he deals with his mental health issues. Her best friend, Daryl, is the person she has been able to turn to since she was a young teenager and his friendship becomes invaluable to her as she deals with trying to love someone who is having a very difficult time. I can't say any more, honestly.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hello, Lovely Readers! OK. Just a few notes to begin:**_

 _ **~ If you need to know the pairings in this story in order to enjoy it just DM me and I will more than happily tell you but I'd love to just unveil the story as it was intended without giving away the entire plot to everyone reading it.**_

 _ **~ If the idea of Carol with another man for a portion of this story pisses you off or doesn't interest you then you probably won't want to read it...but I have read and written fics with Daryl and another woman and nobody seems to complain too much so Carol with another man shouldn't be THAT big a deal, right? And it's not for the whole story.**_

 _ **~ it deals with some dark/adult subject matter concerning mental illness and I am not trigger warning for specific details of the story. (I spend A LOT of time working on this so I'm not spoiling my own story). If you are triggered by adult content then I suggest you skip this one because there will be no warnings. My work is labeled as explicit so I think that is sufficient considering TWD has scenes like the 'crack and slash' at Terminus. If you can handle this you can handle my story.**_

 _ **~ my mother has manic depression and has been struggling with it since I was 10 (I am 34 now). Manic depression manifests itself differently in almost all people afflicted with it so the character I have written is not meant to be the ONE face of manic depression but just one of many faces.**_

 _ **~ if other gripes arise then I'm afraid that's tough.**_

 _ **Don't like, don't read:)**_

 _ **If I haven't talked you out of reading this story...Enjoy!**_

 _ **Love you guys, Teagan xoxo**_

 _ **%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**_

 _ **Chapter 1**_

 _ **~It's looking like a limb torn off  
Or altogether just taken apart~**_

 _Early December, 2012_

There's nothing like a cold day that begins with a heart attack. Her alarm was one of those from the eighties that either wakes you with radio chatter or an air raid siren, Carol woke up to the air raid siren.

She groaned and pulled the sheets up over her head. Carol hated mornings but the money was good and she liked her job and the guys she worked with. The obnoxious alarm was always put on the other side of the room so she'd actually have to get up to turn it off.

She'd had the same alarm since she was a kid, since back when she first met Daryl.

She rolled out of bed and took the few steps over to her dresser to halt the offending sound. The stars were still out and the sky was the deep blackish-blue it always was on a prairie winter morning at 4am.

Daryl would be there within the hour to pick her up so she went straight for the shower to get herself ready. She reveled in the bliss of hot water, knowing she'd come home with numb fingers and a chill deep in her bones. Work would be cold as always, working out at the refinery was a lot of long hours outdoors with only coffee and lunch breaks in the work trailer.

Carol had dragged Daryl into the trades with her when he seemed to be floating aimlessly from one job to the other after high school. He was her best friend, they always picked up the slack for each other.

Carol stepped out of the shower, dried off and began the layering process.

She pulled her long johns up her legs and imagined a woman pulling up stockings instead, a woman who had a fancy job at a bank or an office. This was the life she wanted but it was hard not to feel like a round peg in a square hole. She worked with a crew of men from the her carpentry union and there were very few women around. She was 'wood tick' just like the men she worked with after 10 years, she was one of them. There was the odd hiccup with being the only woman around but nothing she'd consider a big enough problem to leave.

There were men who didn't know her who felt she should have to prove herself as being as tough and capable as the other carpenters. She just kept her head down and did her job and they'd very quickly see she was just like any man on the crew.

Next was her yoga pants, her thermal bunny hug and her coveralls. When she had her balaclava on and her hard hat there was nothing feminine about her appearance, nothing to differentiate her from her crew.

Carol filled her coffee thermos and ate a muffin while waiting for Daryl in the entryway of her apartment building. It was 5am.

When his ugly, old, red truck pulled up with the music blaring she rolled her eyes and ran out to get in.

 _ **~I'll walk right out into a brand new day  
Insane and rising in my own weird way**_  
 _I_ _ **don't want to be the bad guy**_  
 _ **I don't want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore**_  
 _ **I just want to feel some sunshine**_  
 **I just want to find some place to be alone**

 _ **We can live beside the ocean**_  
 _ **Leave the fire behind**_  
 _ **Swim out past the breakers**_  
 _ **Watch the world die~**_

"Daryl, normal people are sleeping now, you're gonna wake the whole neighborhood!"

He grinned and turned it up louder, just to get to her.

"Daryl!"

"Alright, alright."

He turned it back down and nudged her shoulder.

"You're so considerate, Carol."

"Someone has to be," she laughed.

The drive was the same as always, down a winding road out to the industrial area on the edge of a frozen ghost town.

"It's Friday!" Daryl exclaimed. "What you doing tonight?"

"I don't know. Dylan saw the doctor yesterday so I'll probably be decoding what the doctor actually told him to do and what he didn't. He didn't even tell me had an appointment and I like to go with him so he doesn't bullshit me about his meds and treatment."

"Sounds fun. Isn't this new doctor better about keeping you in the know?"

"He is but Dylan seems to think he knows better and he's being stubborn about his meds again."

"Your relationship sounds exhausting," Daryl commented, reaching for his coffee from the cup holder.

"It is, but he's a good man. He can help being sick."

"I know, I didn't mean it like that...I just see how hard it is on you."

"It's been two years and I don't remember what my life used to look like without a manic depressive boyfriend," she sighed.

"You'll figure it out. Me and the boys are playing shinny tomorrow at Abe's place, you should bring him along."

"Is this just so I'll play goalie for you?" she grinned.

"Yes, but he can watch and grab us beers and shit too," he laughed.

"I'll ask him."

Soon they were pulling up in the huge gravel parking lot and heading to the brass in gate where they signed in at the security desk.

The oil refinery was a huge piece of land covered in heat stacks, pipes, buildings and c-cans where tools and equipment were kept. This was the kind of place Carol felt most at home and she fit in perfectly.

When they arrived at the carpenters trailer she pulled up a chair and poured another cup of coffee, there was never enough coffee for that hour of the morning. The trailer for the carpenters was littered with paper coffee cups, pages of magazines taped to the wall featuring naked or half naked women and work gear. Carol didn't even notice the magazine pictures anymore. When she first arrived at the refinery she said it was sexist bullshit and immediately bought a naked fireman calendar and put it up the very next day. The guys laughed themselves silly and they'd all gotten along famously since.

The day began with a safety meeting as always.

Abe, the foreman for their union, stood up and told them all to shut the fuck up when they paid him no attention.

"That's better," he laughed when they all looked up, like lemmings. "Time for the safety meeting!"

"Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!" they all shouted back and Carol grinned, it just never got old.

Abe discussed equipment and plans for the day, who was on man watch and who was running the tool crib.

"I don't want anybody fucking the dog today, we have scaffolding to get erected and the powers that be want it all finished by quitting time," Abe informed them at the end of the meeting.

Carol put on her balaclava and hard hat and followed Daryl out the door to get to work.

It was -23C and the wind was picking up when Daryl and Carol arrived at the the sight where the scaffolding was going up.

They got to work with 7 fellow carpenters and tried to ignore the cold. It all fell into a nice rhythm and Carol felt at peace, everything made sense at work. She and Daryl knew just what was expected of them and each other and worked seamlessly with very little communication. He knew the tools she wanted and she knew the direction he was placing the supports, they were always in tune with each other.

She wanted so badly to help Dylan but it was getting harder and harder lately, like swimming up stream. He'd be stable for weeks and then something would set him off and he'd need to be brought back down from his mania with meds but it would take days to get him right again. He had more frequent stays in hospital and nothing she did seemed to help, in fact the more she tried to help the more upset he'd become. Dylan wanted so much to be a normal thirty year old man with no mental health issues and had trouble accepting that he never would be.

Carol found herself lost in thought for a moment until Daryl startled her back to reality.

"Earth to Carol!" he laughed. "Hand me that hammer."

She reached up to him on the higher level of the scaffolding and smiled.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Bring him over for shinny, it'll cheer him up. It's gonna be OK," Daryl commented before going back to work.

Daryl knew damn well what was on her mind and as usual he knew the right thing to say.

"Thanks, I really needed to hear that."

################################

 _ **Shinny is a very casual game of street hockey that Canadians love to play, like in Wayne's World. Lol**_

 _ **I am writing them as Canadian again because I have never even set foot in the US and this is just easier for me cause I know Canada.**_

 _ **There are going to be some song lyrics flowing throughout this story and they reflect the tone of the story and they are just good songs:**_

 _ **Two Of The Lucky Ones - The Droge and Summers Blend**_

 _ **No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses**_

 _ **~there are a couple other songs but these two are the ones I listened to constantly while writing it:)**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

 _ **~We're reeling through an endless fall  
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was~**_

Daryl drove Carol home after work and asked her once more about shinny the next day.

"Of course I'll be there, you guys need me."

"We do, you're our little mascot and the best goalie we have."

"Don't you forget it," she laughed. "Talk to you tomorrow."

"Yep, have a good night."

Carol laughed and walked up the three flights of stairs to her apartment.

She got out of her multiple layers and texted Dylan as soon as she stepped out of the shower.

 _ **~ hey you**_

 _ **~ hey, you home?**_

 _ **~ yep! I just got in. What r u up to?**_

 _ **~ I'm leaving work right away. You wanna go out tomorrow?**_

 _ **~ The guys were wondering if you wanted to play shinny over at Abe's place.**_

 _ **~ Sounds good to me**_

 _ **~ do you feel better?**_

Dylan called then rather than texting her back.

"Hey."

"Hey, are you OK?"

"I think so, these new pills make me feel weird."

"New pills? Why did he change them? I thought the old ones were working OK."

"They made me feel like a zombie, he says these ones will be better...I hate this, Carol."

Dylan had only been diagnosed with manic depression a few months after they became a couple and she never considered leaving him over it even thought it was very difficult to handle at times.

"I'm so sorry, babe. Did you want me to come over?"

"It's OK. I'm just gonna go to bed I think, if I can."

"Insomnia?"

"Story of my life," he groaned.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked, feeling sad for him.

"Just don't get sick of me and leave...why the hell do you stay anyway?"

"I love you, Dylan."

"I don't even love me, I don't get why you would."

She sighed, sometimes there was no way around his negative thought patterns.

"It's going to be OK but you might need to let the new meds take effect. What did he give you anyway?"

"I can't even pronounce it. I'll send you a link to the wiki page, I know you like to read up on this stuff."

"I want to know what you're taking so I can look out for side effects and be a supportive girlfriend, that's OK right?"

"I wish you didn't have to be my damn nurse, you must get sick of this."

"Hey. If you don't give up I won't give up, remember?"

"I remember."

"I wish there was a support group in this area or mobile crisis, there should be in a city this size but they say they don't have the funding."

"Not a priority I guess."

"You hang in there and I'll see you in the morning, OK?"

"Goodnight, Carol. Thank you for...dealing with me."

"I'm always happy to deal with you, Dylan, you know that."

"I know."

When she got off the phone and looked up his new meds before turning in. They had some of the same scary side effects as many of the others he'd been on and it made her nervous like every other time they had tried new meds. He'd been through lithium and many different anticonvulsants, antipsychotics, and benzodiazepines yet they were still trying to find something that would work long term. He'd been in the hospital in November for a week and told her he wouldn't go back no matter what. He hated the psych ward more than anything.

The main problem as far as his own manic depression, because everyone is different, is that when he was manic (or hyper) he felt great but behaved erratically and when he was depressed he got dangerously low. Carol didn't see him stable very much anymore and it was starting to feel like it would never improve.

Carol finally turned in and was excited to not have to work for the next two days, that way she'd have time to help Dylan out. Also seeing her work friends and playing shinny would be a welcomed break from work and it was sure to make Dylan smile for a little bit.

The next morning Carol stayed in bed till after 8am and felt like a million dollars to be able to get a full night of sleep.

She got into her hockey clothes and called Dylan to see if he was ready and it sounded like he hadn't slept at all.

"Up all night?" she asked.

"I feel great though, you ready? I'll come get you."

"Sure," she said, recognizing the manic sound in his voice. She wondered when they'd find just the right dosage and meds to help him and what was taking so long. The space between appointments could be as long as 8 months and he needed more frequent visits but the system was overtaxed. Carol was frustrated by constantly talking to their MLA and hospital administrators and getting nowhere. Between trying to find the right doctors willing to listen, insurance issues and resources being available she shouldn't be so surprised but he needed help and the help he received was often inadequate.

When he arrived he looked chipper and energetic.

"You playing goalie?"

"But of course," she grinned, sitting down in his car.

They arrived at Abe's place 11am and the guys were setting up the nets on the road for the game. They always played at Abe's house because he lived on a quiet cul-de-sac where they rarely had to interrupt the game and get the nets off the road.

Daryl came over to say hi and make guy talk with Dylan.

"Hey, man! How goes it?"

"Great! I feel good today."

"You playing with us or the iron workers?"

"I'll play with you guys."

"Cool. Grab a stick and a beer, my friend," Daryl said, slapping him on the back.

Carol came in close to be discreet and asked if he was allowed to drink on his new meds and he looked embarrassed.

"Carol, why do you ask that in front of people?"

"I'm sorry...you're among friends here, babe. Nobody's judging you."

He looked around and seemed to realize nobody was paying attention to the conversation anyway and the only one who'd heard it was Daryl.

"I know...sorry."

"It's alright. I won't mention it around people again, OK?"

"Thanks."

The game began and Carol took goal for the wood ticks, she was unstoppable in goal and had been since she was a child. She wasn't afraid of the ball or puck and had even lost a tooth as a twelve year old and had to be rushed to the dentist.

"Come on, boys! Whoooo!" she cheered when they made their first attempt on the iron worker's net.

The game was fast paced and they kicked ass, as usual. There were many attempts on her net but only one made it in.

Dylan and Daryl played forward together and scored 3 goals between them. Dylan was tall with dark hair and Daryl was shorter with lighter hair, they looked almost like opposites but they were her dream team. They took a break halfway through to have a drink and Carol checked the link he'd sent again to be sure he could drink and it turned out he could so she handed him another beer.

"You guys are on fire today," she grinned at them.

"You're keeping it out of the net like a pro," Daryl praised, raising his beer in salute.

Dylan was still full of energy and talking a mile a minute with all the guys, he looked really happy and Carol liked these moments best. A month before he'd been sitting in the General Hospital psych ward staring at the walls and speaking cryptically.

It was cold as hell so they headed indoors when the game was over to chat and Abe's wife made them all some food. Rosita was one of the few women Carol talked to on a regular basis and it was a nice thing for her, all her friends were men. Carol wandered to the kitchen to help her get things prepared.

"You get stuck being one of the boys and one of the girls," Rosita joked.

"That's so true but it's OK."

They started loading up plates with wings, veggies, nachos and general man junk food.

"How is he doing?" Rosita asked quietly.

The guys were down in the basement so she decided to unburden herself a little while keeping an eye on the basement door.

"He's on a new medication and I'm nervous. I just wish this was like another illness where they could give him a drug and it would just work, it's so frustrating."

"Hang in there, hun, they'll get him stable eventually."

"I hope so...I think he's tired of this too. When he does get down these days he sounds like he just wants to give up."

"Just remember you're not alone in this, OK? Everyone here is ready to help however we can."

"I know, thanks a lot."

Rosita and Carol headed downstairs to bring the food and the men were discussing an upcoming safety training course.

"You need this course too don't you, Carol?"

"Where are they running it?" she asked, sitting down next to Dylan.

"Saskatoon. Me and Rick and you could go up and get it over with but we'd have to leave on Wednesday."

"Sounds good. How many days.

"Just three and the union pays sub so the hotel is covered."

She turned to Dylan and he nodded, he knew just what she was asking. _**Will you be OK if I go?**_

"Count me in."

On the way back to her apartment Dylan seemed more tired.

"That was a nice day," he said, laying his hand on her leg.

"It was. Are you coming over for a while?"

"Sure...so you're staying with Daryl in Saskatoon?"

"Just the same hotel like usual when we have training stuff to do for work, not the same room. Are you OK about it? I can put it off until next time they hold this course."

"I shouldn't worry about you two, right?"

"Of course not," she said, laying her hand on his. "I won't go, it's not a good time to leave you right now."

"I'm OK. You don't have to turn your life upside down just cause I'm nuts."

"Dylan, please don't talk like that. I'll stay."

"No, you go ahead. I'm just being silly."

"I don't have to decide now anyway, let's just enjoy the evening."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

 _ **~But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do  
No one's gonna love you more than I do**_

 _ **And anything to make you smile  
It is my better side of you to admire~**_

Carol was planning to talk to Dylan's psychiatrist on Monday about the new meds and get a full picture of what to expect. The internet had such a long list of possible side effects that it was overwhelming.

For that night all she wanted to do was make him feel better and get his mind off his illness for five minutes.

"Come here," she grinned.

Dylan smiled and came closer to her on the couch.

"I'm all sweaty from hockey," he joked.

"I don't care," she insisted, pulling him down on top of her.

She kissed his lips softly and brushed the hair out of his face.

"We're gonna be OK," she whispered.

"I wanna be what you need, not your patient," he answered.

"You are what I need."

He kissed her neck and sank between her legs and it moved along, steadily increasing in intensity. He moved his hips in a rolling motion and she moaned, sliding her hands up the back of his shirt.

Sex wouldn't fix any the problems that they were dealing with but it could reconnect them and bring some joy while they were figuring it out.

Soon she was reaching down to touch him through his pants and found him only semi hard which surprised her but she overlooked it and continued to try and peak his interest. She pulled her shirt over her head and had her bra on the ground in no time.

He growled under his breath and kissed her neck and breasts but she could sense the frustration creeping in.

He'd had this problem on a few other meds and she dreaded what she could feel coming so she tried to keep kissing him and play it off.

"Fuck!" he groaned finally.

"It's OK."

"No, it's not OK. Nothing's OK!"

He pulled away from her, sat on the edge of the couch and lay his head in his hands. Everything was always difficult and Carol didn't know what to do about any of it. It's as if the man she cared so much for was trapped in a prison of his own mind and she wished so badly he could just be well. When he was off medication his behavior was erratic and his thinking was completely scattered so being unmedicated wasn't an option.

She sat up and wrapped her arms around him.

"Dylan, we have the rest of our lives to make love."

"You shouldn't have to wait. I'm not even a real man for you anymore."

He got up and she knew the shit was going to hit the fan.

"Dylan-"

"No! Don't tell me it's OK again."

She sighed and pulled her shirt back on.

"Listen to me. I want to be with you and I-"

He looked down at her and she knew what was coming.

"I love you too much to let you waste your life this way."

"What are you saying?"

He grabbed his coat and bent down to kiss her cheek before heading toward the door.

"Don't go," she uttered, jumping up to follow him. "Wait! Come back!"

"You're gonna thank me, Carol. I'm a waste of your time."

He walked out the door and was gone before she could catch him.

She spent the next few hours calling him and drove to his house but he wasn't there, she had no idea where to find him.

Carol ended up back at her apartment well past midnight after searching for him all evening, it was not the first time she'd done it. He'd broken up with her before, always 'for her own good' in his mind.

She sat in her living room and looked at the picture on her end table from the first month they were together. He'd taken her to the fair, back before he'd been diagnosed. They stayed until late in the evening and watched the fireworks together. It was a beautiful memory from before everything fell apart.

Early in the morning she woke up on the couch with her phone in her hand from the last time she'd tried to call him. The phone was vibrating and she looked down to see a text from Daryl.

 _ **~ Dylan's OK**_

 _ **~ Where is he?**_

 _ **~ he showed up at the bar and I brought him back to my place**_

 _ **~ can you call me?**_

 _ **~ sure, he's still asleep**_

"He's in a bad way about you two, huh?" Daryl asked.

"He ended it with me again," she sighed.

"He mentioned that, why was it this time?"

"It's a long story," she answered. She wasn't about to reveal that he was having manly problems due to medication. "I don't know what to do anymore, Daryl."

Her voice cracked audibly. She was so tired and so out of answers.

"I'm here, OK? What can I do?" he asked.

"I don't know...I'm just so glad you're there."

"I always will be, you know that. I'll see how he is when he wakes up and keep in touch, OK?"

"I don't know what I'd ever do without you, Daryl."

"You don't have to wonder, I ain't going anywhere. I've been watching your ass since we were fourteen," he laughed.

"Thank God for that," she sighed. "Call me if you need me to pick him up."

"OK. Talk to ya later."

##########################

Daryl was reading the paper and drinking coffee when Dylan appeared from down in the basement.

"Hey," Daryl began.

"Hey. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Carol called."

"Is she really mad at me?" Dylan asked.

"She's never mad, she loves you."

"She might be crazier than I am."

Dylan winced and sat down across the table from Daryl.

"You wanna know what I think?" Daryl sighed.

"What?"

"You have to just accept that you're sick and let her support you, maybe that's the way to get a little bit better. Stop fighting it, man. You wouldn't fight being a diabetic, right? This isn't your fault and it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"You think?" Dylan asked.

"Yeah, I really do. Carol's a smart woman, she wouldn't stay with you if it wasn't what she wanted."

"One day I'll end it and she won't take me back."

"Stop ending it then," Daryl joked.

"Daryl, can I ask you something?"

Daryl got up to make him a cup of coffee and nodded.

"Go for it."

"Why didn't you and Carol end up together?"

Daryl chuckled to himself and shook his head.

"I thought about it back when I was sixteen but it didn't pan out."

"Why not? You two are so close, even all these years later."

"I was a punk when we were kids and her dad was a cop, still is I guess. He busted me for shoplifting and told me if I ever asked her out he'd make my life a misery. By the time she wasn't living at home anymore she had a boyfriend and I was hearing about her sex life like I was one of her girlfriends," he laughed. "Life just wanted us to be friends."

Dylan had a funny look on his face and took the coffee that Daryl handed him.

"Thanks."

"Finish that and I'll take you back to her so you can patch this up."

"I don't know if I even should this time, I'm never gonna get better."

Daryl told him he was being ridiculous but deep down he thought Carol needed a break from it all. He found himself wishing more than once that he'd had the guts to ask her out before Dylan came along but he couldn't change it now. All he could do was support her and wait till the day she might be free again cause he wasn't about to let the chance slip through his fingers anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm sorry that this one is probably rough for Carylers...just remember I'm a Caryler too;) and the story is not over yet. I always wanted to write Carol with someone else for at least part of a story and have it not be an abusive relationship for a change.

#################################

 _ **Chapter 4**_

 _ **~But they should never take so long  
Just to be over then back to another one**_

 _ **But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do  
No one's gonna love you more than I do~**_

Daryl got Dylan in his truck and started off to Carol's place. He didn't want to admit that part of him wanted to tell Dylan to stay away and let her live. He felt like a bad person for thinking such a thing but watching Carol fall apart over him so often was hard for him. Carol had been so vibrant and full of hope for the future before she met him and now it was a day to day grind of dealing with his illness. Carol loved him though and Daryl would always support what she wanted.

Daryl bit his tongue all the time cause he didn't want to ever tell her what to do and he knew that she was the type to not give up on anyone.

Daryl pulled up at Carol's place and texted her that he was out front with Dylan.

Carol showed up at the door of the apartment complex and Dylan thanked him for the ride and for taking him home from the bar.

"You're welcome. Take it easy, man."

"You're a good friend, Daryl."

"Pfft! I try," he laughed.

Daryl watched as Dylan walked sheepishly up to Carol and was readily pulled back into her arms. He wondered how soon it would be before it all fell apart again. He'd be there every time it did and that wouldn't change but it still hurt him to see it.

############################

Monday morning came and Carol took her coffee break to call his new psychiatrist.

"I just need to know what to look out for."

"He may have some down turn in mood while he's adjusting to the new medication. If you are concerned you can always take him to the hospital."

"He tried to end it with me over the weekend, he was trying to push me away out of guilt. He's done this before but not for a while...and also we can't make love now due to the medicine."

"You can bring him back next week to see me and we'll have a talk with him."

"Should he keep taking this medicine?"

"Yes. He shouldn't be coming off of it suddenly. Bring him back on Thursday the 14th at 2pm."

"But that's nine days away! Will he be alright till then?"

"He should be fine, just take him to the hospital if he is acting abnormal."

It was always the same thing ' _take him to the hospital'_. As if getting someone to the psych ward when they'd sooner die was easy.

She texted Dylan before heading back to work just to check in and he said his brother would be visiting for the week. His brother was a decent person from what she knew and she was happy that he'd have some distraction from adjusting to the new meds.

 _ **~ you can do that safety training thing if you want to now**_

 _ **~ I don't have to**_

 _ **~ I'll be fine, trust me**_

 _ **~ only if you're sure. You wanna sleep at my place tonight?"**_

 _ **~ I'd love to. xo**_

#############################

Carol went back to work and Daryl met her outside in the cold where they were erecting a shack for a muster point.

"You good?" he asked.

"Yeah, I can do that safety training after all."

"Really? Is he OK?"

"His brother is coming up to spend the week with him."

"Cool, I'll book you a room at the Days Inn then. Just call the union and let them know you're coming"

"Thanks, I could use a couple days away."

"Me too. I'm driving up with Rick if you wanna come with us."

"Sure, if you think Big Red will make it," she laughed.

"Come on, that truck will outlive us all."

"You may be right about that."

They went back to work on the shack and tried to think of anything but the cold but it wasn't easy.

################################

Daryl dropped Carol off at her apartment and told her he'd taken care of the room for her.

"Thanks. We can go tomorrow after work then, hey?"

"Yep. Me and Rick are sharing a room and you got your own across the hall."

"Perfect."

She wanted to have a decent night with Dylan before she had to leave for her training. Trade jobs involved regular updating of safety skills and new courses to help keep workplace incidents to a minimum.

She peeled off the layers of her clothing and started the tub running. Carol just wanted a nice hot bath to feel human again and defrost her bones after hours in the cold.

Dylan would be over soon and hopefully she could say a proper goodbye to him before she left.

When he did arrive he seemed in good spirits which was a nice change.

"Are you leaving tomorrow right after work?" he asked when the subject of the training came up.

"Yes, if you're sure."

"I'll be fine...I need to learn to manage without you for five minutes," he joked. "I found you a book," he announced out of nowhere.

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's that photography book you wanted.  
"Awww thank you!"

He walked to the front door to grab his overnight bag and dug around for it. Carol sat cross legged on the couch and flipped through the pages as he leaned his head on her shoulder.

"Someday I might get better...maybe we could have kids."

Carol smiled, trying to imagine their life with children and all of his ups and downs but she didn't want him to doubt that it was possible someday. "That would be amazing."

After two years he hadn't proposed and they hadn't moved in together, things were stunted because of his illness and she wished they'd just find the right drug to help him so he could live his life.

He began to kiss her neck and lay his hand on her cheek as she turned the pages of the book.

"It might not work...but can we still try again?" he asked.

"Of course we can," she smiled.

After some patience and extra effort they managed to make love and she could tell he was feeling triumphant afterward.

"There's nothing in the whole world as good as making love to you."

He had a way of making her feel special and beautiful and important to him and she wished he'd feel even half as good about himself.

"Just remember that next time you're breaking up with me."

He laughed and squeezed her tighter, "I'll try but you know me and my brain."

"I do know you and I love you."

"Love you too."

They went to sleep well before 10pm since she had to be up early for work and she left him in her bed the next morning at 5am.

"When is your brother coming?" she whispered in the darkness of early morning.

"About lunch time."

"I'm gonna miss you. Are you sure about this? I don't mind staying at all," she said, leaning down to kiss him goodbye.

"I'll miss you too but I'm sure. You drive safe, OK?"

"I'll be right back here late Friday night, safe and sound."

"I know," he yawned and reached out to hug her.

"Go back to sleep, babe, and I'll be home before you know it.

By the time she closed the door he looked like he was almost asleep already and she smiled as she left.

##############################


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

 _ **~Standing on a hill, staring at a mountain**_

 _ **Swallows dive and turn, trying to catch what we can't see**_

 _ **Sure it ain't the first time, hope it ain't the last time~**_

Carol was picked up by Daryl as usual and she was more quiet than normal.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Yes. Thank you so much for taking care of him."

"No problem, I consider him a friend."

The morning safety meeting began with Abe being predictable as clockwork.

"Time for the safety meeting!"

"Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!" they all hollered back.

Daryl, Carol and Rick were sent to work in the same area and fortunately the day wasn't as cold as usual.

The men she worked with were all like brothers to her and it had been an easy transition for her to be in a male dominated environment but they had a new girl in the trailer today from out of province and she looked very uncomfortable.

Her name was Candace and she glared at the women in bikinis on the wall and Carol could sense an issue coming.

"I think she's gonna kick all our asses," Daryl joked, later in the day. "Can you talk to her?"

"What am I supposed to say?" she laughed.

"Ask her not to take away our naked women."

"She didn't look impressed, did she?"

"You ready to go to Saskatoon?" he asked.

"Yep. I just wanna call his brother to make sure he's actually coming."

"Would he lie about that?" Daryl asked, realizing how complicated her relationship really was.

"I can't risk it, I need to know he's OK."

"I get it."

Carol called Dylan's brother Dean and everything was on the up and up.

"He needs to be watched closely since he's on new meds. The doctor says if he's displaying any unusual behavior then you need to take him to the General Hospital."

"I got it, he'll be OK."

"He's definitely off lately so if you notice anything unusual then don't hesitate to call me and I'll come right back."

"Don't worry, it'll be OK."

"Thanks, Dean. I worry about him when he's off like this."

Carol met up with Rick and Daryl in the parking lot and they decided to get some food before leaving Regina.

"I gotta check in with Lori before we go," Rick said, dialing his phone.

"Awwww does she need more ice cream," Carol teased.

"You never know, she's needy like crazy right now. I can't wait till the baby comes. One minute it's crying, next minute she's begging for sex and then picking a fight and then wanting ice cream. I don't know whether to shit or go sailing!"

Carol laughed herself silly and leaned against his shoulder.

"Hang on, Rick. When your son gets here all the headache will be so worth it."

They ate at a burger joint and then headed on to Saskatoon to get some sleep before the course started in the morning.

Daryl drove and Carol sat next to him in the truck, just like the olden days, but now she was texting Dylan.

 _ **~ you doing OK?**_

 _ **~ yeah we're going to the Pats game tomorrow night**_

 _ **~ sounds fun, I miss you**_

 _ **~ miss you too but you need a break from me**_

 _ **~ don't say that**_

 _ **~ it's true though**_

 _ **~ no it isn't**_

 _ **~ I gotta go, babe. Dean is dragging me out to play pool**_

 _ **~ call me later or tomorrow**_

 _ **~ yep love ya**_

 _ **~ love you**_

"Everything OK?" Daryl asked, glancing over at her.

"Yeah, he's hanging out with his brother so he should be fine. I told Dean not to leave him alone."

"Good," he smiled. "You can relax then, your baby is in good hands."

She rolled her eyes but he did have a point.

When they got to the hotel she went to her room to check out her accommodations, there was nothing special about it but it wasn't bad. She had a quick shower and got changed into a t-shirt and sweat pants.

She was just laying back on her stiff hotel bed when there was a knock at her door.

"We're having a drink, you wanna come over?" Rick asked.

"Fuck it, why not? I can never rest well in hotel beds anyway," she laughed.

She didn't bother changing to walk across the hall, Daryl had seen her in all states of undress growing up.

They used to swim at the lake when they were teenagers all the time and it was normally just stripping down to their underwear. She'd climb onto his back and hold onto him like he was her own personal flotation device and everything felt so at ease. Part of her had always expected that one day a look would go on too long, a hug would get too close or one of them would break and kiss the other but it never happened. Now that she had Dylan and so much time had passed it seemed pointless to wonder how it might have been but she still wondered from time to time.

"Hey you!" he beamed when she walked it.

"Hey."

She sat on one of their beds and Rick opened a beer for her.

"Daryl was just playing tunes from the stone age in here," Rick joked.

"Shut up, everyone likes that song!" Daryl defended.

"I'll be the judge of that, what song is it?" Carol asked.

Daryl grabbed his phone and found the song he was looking for and it was like a blast from the past. And she started to sing along right away and so did he. They used to sing ' _Don't Speak'_ in his old truck back in high school all the time and they both still knew all the words.

 _ **~You and me**_

 _ **we used to be together**_

 _ **every day together always**_

 _ **I really feel**_

 _ **that I'm losing my best friend**_

 _ **I can't believe this could be the end**_

 _ **It looks as though you're letting go**_

 _ **and if it's real well I don't want to know**_

 _ **Don't speak**_

 _ **I know just what you're saying**_

 _ **so please stop explaining**_

 _ **don't tell me cause it hurts~**_

Rick looked at them like they were nuts when they didn't stop singing along until the very end of the song and they got more and more into it.

 _ **~I know you're good, I know you're good, I know you're real good oh!**_

 _ **...Hush hush darlin' hush hush darlin'**_

 _ **hush hush don't tell me cause it hurts~**_

"Well...that was fucking creepy," Rick shrugged.

"I swear I'll remember the words to that when I'm a hundred," Carol laughed.

"Me too, fuck it! No Doubt was awesome back in the day," Daryl agreed.

After a few more drinks they went through all their old favorite songs, they hadn't taken a stroll down memory lane in ages and it felt good. Carol and Daryl had so many memories that she replayed when she found life especially hard. Racing around in his truck, free as birds just the two of them...life had been so easy then.

They laughed and drank too much and stayed up late, it was so much like high school that she felt 17 again.

By the time she finally stumbled back to her room she started to feel guilty for how good she felt and how troubled Dylan was. It wasn't uncommon for her to feel bad for feeling good and she wished it could get better cause she was beginning to feel a lot older than she was.


	6. Chapter 6

_The lead singer of one of my favorite Canadian bands is terminally ill with brain cancer:( so the intro song here is 'It's a good life if you don't weaken' by The Tragically Hip._

 _ **#############################**_

 _ **Chapter 6**_

 _ **~When the color of the night**_

 _ **and all the smoke for one life**_

 _ **gives way to shaky movements**_

 _ **and improvisational skills**_

 _ **in the forest of whispering speakers**_

 _ **let's swear that we will**_

 _ **get with the times**_

 _ **in a current health to stay**_

 _ **let's get friendship right**_

 _ **get life day-to-day~**_

"These courses are such a waste of time," Carol groaned as she met up with Rick and Daryl to drive to the safety course facility.

"Yep but it's all part of the job and the hotel and food is free!" Rick countered. He was just happy to have a break from Lori's mood swings and pregnancy issues.

"We spend all day there while they tell us shit we already know and then we write an open book test. Who do they think they're fooling with this nonsense?" she sighed.

"You alright?" Daryl asked, sensing her tension.

"Yeah, I just don't think this was a good time for me to go away that's all."

"We were having a good time last night. It's been ages since I saw you laugh like that."

She couldn't help but smile back at him.

"I guess you're right."

"Of course I am, you gotta give me more credit," he joked.

The safety training day was long and boring and they all tried to stay awake but it wasn't easy. By the last coffee break of the day she checked in with Dylan and he seemed off again. His moods were cycling and she wished they had a mobile crisis in their area who would come out a person's home to help. Getting him to the hospital was really hard and often he just refused.

"What's up? I thought you were having a good time with Dean?" she asked, motioning to Daryl that she wanted a cigarette.

Daryl shook his head cause he knew she was trying to quit but she gave him a death stare that he submitted to.

She lit the cigarette and waited for Dylan to speak.

"Dean said maybe I should stop taking these meds if they aren't even helping."

"Do not do that! You need to talk to the doctor first."

"They aren't helping me, Carol. Nothing ever helps."

"Going off your meds suddenly can be dangerous, just promise me that you'll wait to do anything. You're seeing Dr. Veloso on the 14th and you can discuss it with him then."

"If you say so. I just don't see the point, I've tried everything already."

"Dylan, please just listen to me OK? You're brother doesn't know what he's talking about when it comes to this subject and it's not safe to just stop taking them."

"Alright...you OK?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Just sick of dealing with my bullshit?"

"No, I'm not. I'm here and I'm not planning to go anywhere, maybe someday you'll believe it."

"I'm sorry."

"It's OK, Dylan, just hang on till I get back and we'll sort this out together...OK? I can even come home now if you need me."

"It's OK. I love you."

"I love you too, stop forgetting that," she laughed.

Carol hung up the phone after saying goodbye and broke down. She couldn't show Dylan that she was broken or he'd feel bad but she knew she could show Daryl.

"Come here," Daryl whispered, pulling her into his arms.

She let herself go for a minute and it felt so good to be held up by someone else's support.

Rick popped his head out the back door and looked at them funny.

"We'll be back in a second," Daryl said and Rick just nodded and went back inside.

Carol was in no hurry to break up the hug, she needed her friend too badly to rush it. Daryl hadn't hugged her slow like this in ages but there was a good reason for that. Daryl never wanted to set Dylan off with his paranoia so he kept his distance from Carol physically but it hadn't used to be that way. Once upon a time, before Dylan, he could scoop her up and make her laugh, hug her, hold her hand...but not anymore. It was a sacrifice he was more than willing to make because it made things easier for her and Dylan, it wasn't easy but he did it with her happiness in mind.

"Let me take you out tonight."

She brushed the tears from her face and looked up at him.

"Where?"

"Anywhere, I just want you to relax for a bit and have some fun...if you want."

"OK. But what do we do on a Wednesday night in Saskatoon?"

"Let's just go and have supper and listen to some music."

"What about Rick?" she asked.

"He said he wants an early night anyway. Come on, you need a night out to unwind," Daryl pressed. He wanted her laugh back, he wanted her to be his happy Carol again, if only for one night.

"OK," she smiled.

Back at the hotel she realized her clothing for the trip was all functional and she had nothing nice to wear at all. Jeans and a black t shirt would just have to do.

She texted Dylan's brother to inform him not to tell Dylan to stop taking his meds.

 _ **~ they aren't helping though, he's worse than he was last time I was here**_

 _ **~ the doctor said he shouldn't stop taking them suddenly. What is he acting like today?"**_

 _ **~ he seems pretty down and out**_

 _ **~ should I come back?**_

 _ **~ no, he'll be OK**_

 _ **~ take him to the General if he gets worse or doesn't improve and call me if there's any change**_

 _ **~ I will. I'm sorry about what I said I didn't know it was bad to stop taking them**_

 _ **~ it's OK:) just please keep a close watch and I'll be home on Friday night**_

 _ **~ you got it**_

Carol met Daryl in the hallway and he held out his arm to her and she linked hers with it.

"Let's get some food!" he groaned. "I'm starving."

An hour later they were sitting in a bar & grill downtown eating rare steak and listening to a local band playing some folk-sounding tunes.

"Fuck me this is good," he grinned, slicing into his last bleeding piece of meat.

Carol laughed and agreed with him.

"I really needed this."

"Yep! The food here is fantastic," he mumbled with his mouth still full.

He pushed his plate away, looking very satisfied.

"I mean...this," she said, waving her hand between the two of them.

"No problem, Carol. What are friends for, right? I know you're stressed about him lately."

"So stressed, but you're right about needing some down time before I get back. I swear it's like I'm trapped in a situation where I'm trying to save a drowning man but I can't even swim myself," she sighed.

Daryl looked up when he heard a song start to play and grinned.

"Come on," he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her onto the dance floor.

"Wait! What?" she stuttered.

"It's just one song...and you owe me remember?"

Carol had left him waiting at their high school graduation, after promising him a dance, when one of her girlfriends had a personal drama to attend to. She couldn't believe he remembered it.

"Your memory is way too good?" she laughed.

Daryl pulled her close and put his hands on her waist like they were in kids again and then took a step closer.

Carol hesitated, it felt wrong to be doing this when Dylan was struggling but Daryl was trying so hard to make her feel better. True friends like Daryl couldn't be taken for granted so she smile, placing her hands on his broad shoulders. The song was so slow and beautiful she very quickly lay her face against his chest as they swayed only slightly to the beat.

 **~Standing on a hill, staring at a mountain;  
Swallows dive and turn, trying to catch what we can't see;  
Sure ain't the first time; hope it ain't the last time  
When all the work is done, by the light of a setting sun;  
We see what we've become - two of the lucky ones.  
The wind is gonna blow, trees are gonna sway in kind;  
And babe, I know you know...that they don't have to try;  
Sure ain't the first time; hope it ain't the last time  
When all the work is done, by the light of a setting sun;  
We see what we've become - two of the lucky ones.**

 **For the very first time, there's no words to be found;  
Opened up our eyes, there was love all around -  
When all the work is done, by the light of a setting sun;  
We see what we've become - two of the lucky ones.  
Standing on a hill, staring at a mountain~**

Daryl chose to take the long way back to the hotel to play some music.  
"I feel a lot better, Daryl, thank you."

"Pfft! It's nothing."

"No, it isn't. You've always been the best friend I ever had, I'd be lost without you."

Daryl looked straight ahead at the road and then over at her and nodded.

"I can't not be there for you, Carol. Ever since we were kids I just wanted you to be happy, it's all I ever wanted."

Carol knew everything he said was true and then thought the same thing she'd thought so many times over the years. Why hadn't they ever tried to be together?

He walked with her back to their rooms across the hall from one another and hugged her goodbye.

"See you in the morning, Carol."

"Thank you so much for this, for everything."

"I know you want to help him and I admire that so much about you...just don't lose yourself in all this if you can help it," he said, softly.

"I'm not the same person I used to be, am I?" she uttered, feeling self conscious like everyone could see that she'd changed.

"You're still that same girl I met in high school, Carol. Just let me help you sometimes while you're helping him, OK?"

"OK. Thank you...goodnight."

He just smiled and walked to his door and she felt so lucky to have him in her life.

She walked back in her room and checked her phone before crawling into bed, a text had just come from Dylan.

 _ **~ hey**_

 _ **~ hey, how r u?**_

 _ **~ were you out?**_

 _ **~ yeah, we just went for supper and to check out the town**_

 _ **~ I feel like shit today**_

 _ **~ I could be home tonight if you need me, I can take the bus**_

 _ **~ nah I'm OK, you stay there**_

 _ **~ your brother is there right?**_

 _ **~ yeah, can you call me? I wanna hear your voice right now**_

"Hey, babe," she smiled and lay down in her bed.

"Hey. You having fun?"

"Not really, safety training is boring as hell. I wanna get home to you."

"You're crazier than I am," he laughed. "I'm action packed with issues."

"Dylan," she began, she was so tired but wouldn't let it show in her voice. "Everything is going to be OK. You don't give up and I won't give up."

There was only silence over the line and she waited for a moment.

"Dylan?"

"Yeah, sorry...I was just off somewhere. I better go and let you sleep."

She heard his brother talking in the background and it would save her texting him to be sure he was really there, checking his story was a habit now.

"OK, you take it easy and I'll text you first thing in the morning. I love you."

"I love you, Carol."

Carol put her phone on the nightstand and turned off the lamp, feeling at peace for the night.

##############################

 _ **I'm apologizing in advance for the next chapter. I'm sorry:(**_

 _ **Thank you for reading! Love you, Teagan xoxox**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

 _ **~I will give you everything, that you've ever wanted**_

 _ **& with this promise I will bring you home again**_

 _ **I will give you anything, if you don't demand it**_

 _ **& with one promise I will make you mine again~**_

 _ **~ I will give you everything - Skydiggers**_

 _ **###############################################**_

Daryl woke up feeling good and ready for the day. It was Thursday and he was ready to get the stupid safety course over with so he could hang out with Rick and Carol and maybe do something fun with their evening.

"Rick...Rick..." he whispered. Rick rolled over and growled at him, pulling the sheets up higher.

"I'm taking a shower. You gotta get up and get moving, brother!" Daryl hollered.

He got into the shower and sang along with his iPod. It was going to be a great day...or so he thought.

Daryl stepped back into the main room after his shower with his towel around his waist and was startled by a blood curdling scream that made his heart race.

"What the hell was that?" Rick exclaimed.

"Carol," he uttered, knowing her voice anywhere.

Daryl couldn't care less that he wasn't dressed, he ran over to her room and banged on the door.

"Carol! Open the door! Carol!" he screamed.

A hotel maid appeared and asked what the problem was.

"My friend just screamed in there like she's being murdered! Can you let me in? She's not opening the door!"

The maid hesitated at the sight of a half naked man trying to get into another guest's room.

"Move it, please! She might be in danger. I'm not after her! She's my best friend!" he pleaded and she pulled a universal card key from her pocket.

As soon as the door opened he could see her slumped on the ground next to her bed hyperventilating so he ran to her and pulled her into his arms.

"Breathe...breathe...shhhhh..."

Carol clung to him and he was totally lost as he looked up at Rick and the maid.

She couldn't speak or stop crying, she was gasping for air.

It took a few minutes to finally get words out of her and when he did they were not words he wanted to hear.

"Dylan's dead," she sobbed.

Daryl knew this would tear her into pieces. He also knew it was suicide without even asking.

Surprisingly his first feeling was anger, blind and burning anger at Dylan because he must have known Carol would blame herself.

For twenty minutes she didn't move and just held onto him right next to the hotel bed. Daryl wouldn't be the first to break the contact for anything.

"Why the hell did I come?" she asked. "I knew he wasn't doing well. What the fuck was I thinking?"

"Don't do this, Carol. This is not your fault."

She didn't answer him, she just kept crying.

It was obvious that they had to get straight back to Regina and Rick stayed with her while Daryl got dressed.

"God damn it!" he cursed to himself as he rooted around for his clothes and packed up his bag. How could he Dylan this to her? He knew that she'd never be the same again. How could Dylan be so selfish? He was sure that none of his thoughts made sense and that they were very unfair to Dylan but all he could think of was Carol. The way she would torment herself in the weeks to come would be unbearable to watch. The truth was that it was nobody's fault, certainly not Dylan's, but he didn't know what to think about any of it.

He packed up all Carol's belongings as she stared at the wall with her red eyes burning. She was in shock and not speaking anymore.

They got her into Daryl's old truck and began the three hour drive home as Rick held her in the back seat.

These men were her brothers in the union and in life, none of them would let her suffer alone.

Every so often Daryl would look back at Carol and remember her smile from the night before and how she had rested her head on his chest. He wondered if he'd ever see her that happy again.

When they got back to town he dropped Rick off at his house and drove Carol to her apartment. She hadn't said anything all the way home and even when he took her inside she was silent.

Daryl didn't know what the hell to do or say but he wasn't going to leave her alone.

He assumed he should call her parents but they lived 3 provinces away and right now she probably didn't want to speak anyway.

She sat on the couch and looked over at the photo of herself and Dylan and cried again.

"He took pills," she said finally. "Dean said goodnight to him and he was fine. He went to his room...but then he swallowed a handful of pills."

Her eyes burned into Daryl's very soul, she was in agony and he could feel all of it right along with her.

Daryl sat next to her on the couch and just held her, there were no words to make it OK or ease the pain so he just stayed and held onto her.

Daryl didn't wait for her to ask him to stay. He just stayed and watched after her, made her eat, made her sleep, held her when she cried. The first entire day back was a blur and he stayed awake most of the night, checking on her in her room. She had only fallen asleep from pure exhaustion.

When morning came she was reminded that it had really happened and was devastated all over again.

Dylan's brother called and Daryl was afraid to let her speak to him but what could he do?

"I tried, Carol...he seemed fine," he said, his voice catching in his throat. "I swear to God he looked fine."

"Nobody blames you, Dean...it just happened," she uttered.

"He left a note for you."

"Does it say why?" she asked.

"Sort of."

"I don't want to see it," she insisted. "I can't read it."

Carol was already in enough pain and knew it would only tear her apart.

"I'll hang onto it for you in case you change your mind."

"I just can't see it now...I can't."

"It's OK, you don't have to."

"Why did he do this? How could he do this to us?"

Carol wanted to scream, she couldn't talk about it anymore.

"I have to go, Dean."

"Our parents are taking care of all the arrangements, I'll text you with the details."

"Thank you...Dean?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think he suffered?"

"No. The coroner said he just would have just fallen asleep. I'm so sorry, Carol."

She managed to get out the words "It's OK," before hanging up and looking at Daryl.

"What do I do now?" she asked so softly he barely heard it.

"I don't know, but you don't have to do any of it alone. I'm right here."

"Can you deal with work for me?" she asked in a weak voice. "I need some time before I go back."

"Of course, you'll have bereavement pay. I'll take care of it. What else do you need?"

"Just stay with me...can you please stay?" she began to cry again and he had no intentions of leaving.

 _ **########################**_

Daryl called Carol's parents and they arrived the next evening but they stayed in a hotel because she only had a one bedroom apartment and Daryl was already on the couch.

On Saturday she had to actually leave the house for the funeral and she didn't think she'd survive it.

"I don't know if I can do this," she said to Daryl.

"You don't have to do anything but it might help you come to terms with it, it's up to you."

"He left a note for me...I can't read it alone."

"You don't have to."

"Can you read it first?"

"Of course."

Daryl took her to the funeral home and her parents supported her through the somber event. Her dad shook his hand and thanked him for being such a good friend to her and Daryl held back the comment that he could have been a lot more to her.

All the guys from work attended as well to pay their respects and she could feel them sheltering her like a warm blanket, her brothers.

Every one of them stopped to hug her and tell her how sorry they were and she knew that she wouldn't be alone.

Carol asked Dean for the note and thankfully he had it with him in his pocket.

"We aren't supposed to blame ourselves are we?" she asked him.

"He just didn't want to keep fighting I guess."

She didn't know what to say to that, it made her a little angry.

 _ **~If you don't quit, I won't quit~**_

Dylan had just up and quit, leaving her lost and broken.

The funeral was as nice as a funeral can be and she went along to the interment at the cemetery, still in disbelief until she watched the casket dropping down slowly into the semi frozen earth.

She held Dean's hand as he cried and Daryl stood right next to her. The day was appropriately cold and miserable and she stood in her black dress and winter coat shivering.

Her parents offered to stay but she insisted she didn't need them to, she had support all around her. With or without support Dylan was still gone, nothing would change that.

#########################

 _ **My husband lost a work friend to suicide on the 30th of May. He was only 26 years old and his name was Dylan. In the week leading up to his death nobody suspected anything, even his girlfriend. In the few weeks since he passed away it turns out he was depressed but nobody was even aware of it except one close friend. He was ashamed to tell everyone he was struggling and therefore didn't get the help he needed. My character is only inspired by this man obviously and my 'Dylan' is also a mixture of my mother's manic depression and a few other people's struggles I know of.**_

 _ **I think sometimes men are afraid to admit they are suffering and according to a statistic I read, men make up an overwhelming majority of deaths by suicide. Men are 3 times more likely to commit suicide in fact. Lack of resources in their area, shame over needing help and social pressures for men to be strong are all contributing factors. Obviously this is a problem for both genders but this story just happens to deal with men:)**_

 _ **This was a sad chapter for me to write so I kept it concise as they deal with the immediate fallout of his death. I ended up REALLY liking the character of Dylan and almost wanted to change the story to keep him alive but this was always the intended plot so I kept it this way.**_

 _ **I hope this didn't upset anyone too much, it made me pretty sad. I would just like to see more men (and obviously women as well) find a way to avoid this untimely end. I hope more can be done so that people don't feel this is their only option. My husband and I made a donation the the Canadian Mental Health Association in Dylan's honor and we'll do it every year from now on.**_

 _ **Next story will be a fun Merle story, I promise;)**_

 _ **Love you guys, Teagan xoxo**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

 _ **This weight's too much alone  
Some days I can't hold it at all  
You take it on for me  
When tomorrow's too much  
I'll carry it all  
I've got you**_

 _ **And when tomorrow's too much**_  
 _ **I'll carry it all**_  
 _ **I got you**_

 _ **I got you**_  
 _ **I got everything**_  
 _ **I've got you**_  
 _ **I don't need nothing**_  
 _ **More than you**_  
 _ **I got everything**_  
 _ **I've got you**_

 _ **~Jack Johnson – I Got You**_

"Are you ready?"

Daryl brought her home after the funeral and she still looked dazed but she handed him the note from her purse and sat down next to him on the couch.

"Probably not but read it anyway."

Daryl felt weird to be reading anyone's last words, especially since this wasn't intended for him, but he'd do anything for her.

He unfolded the paper and winced at the words written.

"Well?"

"It's...I don't even know, Carol. I don't know what to say."

She reached for the paper and read it for herself.

 _ **Carol, I'm sorry to hurt you but I'm exhausted. This isn't going to get better. I can't marry you or have kids with you like this and I'm sick of wasting your time but I couldn't break it off either cause I kept coming back. As long as I'm alive I'd keep coming back cause I can't stand to be away from you. Keep going and soon this will all be in the past. I know you won't believe this now but you'll be happier without me. Thank you for loving me and remember this isn't your fault I'm just really tired and I need some peace. I love you, Dylan**_

"Jesus Christ..." she uttered.

Daryl couldn't fathom how any of this would ever be OK for her. Dylan had left her as broken as he possibly could and Daryl would have to watch it all cause he'd never leave her alone with it. He didn't know what to say but knew he had to think of something.

"Carol, I'm sorry."

It was useless, what the hell could he say?

"I feel like I'm going under, Daryl. How am I ever going to live with this?"

"I don't know...I honestly don't but I love you and I'm going to stay right here until you're OK."

########################

Daryl took a week off work to stay with her, he couldn't leave her side. Much of the time was simple silence and holding her while she cried and ranted but it was getting her baby steps closer to facing it. He didn't know if the right thing was to try to distract her but it seemed right to him for her to grieve her own way and just support her.

A couple days later she caught herself smiling at some silly thing he'd say and then stopped when she realized she'd forgotten for a moment.

"It's OK to smile, Carol."

"It feels wrong."

"I'm sure it will for a while."

She nodded and opened the fridge to grab the cream for her coffee but found it empty.

"I need to pick up some groceries and Rick said he wants me to stop by work for a minute. Do you need anything?"

"I'm OK. Thanks for helping me and picking up my things from his house yesterday, I couldn't bear to go in his bedroom."

"It's fine. I told you, I'm in this for the long haul."

Daryl stopped by the refinery and everyone asked how she was doing.

"It's really up and down, she needs time."

Rick gave him a card, signed by every one of her work friends, and they all chipped into a fund for her to take more time off if she needed or anything else that might come up.

"Thanks, I think she said she'll be back in a week but I'm sure she'll appreciate this."

"Tell her we all love her and we miss her," Abe said, looking just like the concerned papa bear he was.

"I will."

Daryl stopped to pick up some groceries after checking on his own house. He hadn't been back there properly since bringing Carol home but none of that mattered now, he was needed.

When he got back she was putting all of Dylan's things in a box and he had the feeling she needed to get her mind off of it, she was starting to crack.

"I can't look at any of this. Can you take it away for me?"

"No problem. I'll take it to my place if you want."

He unloaded the groceries into her fridge and cupboards after taking the box to his truck and when he looked up she was actually smiling.

"I would have lost it without you. I needed someone to be strong for me and you did it...thank you so much."

He briefly contemplated telling her that he'd loved her since ninth grade but it was hardly the time and he knew that.

"I'm always gonna be here, Carol. Always."

She took the groceries out of his hands, placing them on the counter, and hugged him tight.

He knew it was probably wrong but the feeling of her cheek against his chest and her hands on his back felt so good that he savored it.

She was emotionally vulnerable and after all the years he'd wanted her he wasn't going to jump in head first when she was grieving but he'd be damned if he wouldn't try before she met someone else. He wondered if maybe too much time had passed anyway, maybe she wouldn't be able to see him in that light even when she was ready to consider a relationship again.

He made her supper and began to wonder when she'd want him to go, not that he wanted to.

She ate the food he made her and she looked more like herself. He knew damn well that it would only take the mention of his name to bring her down again but it was still nice to see her a little more stable.

"I actually miss work," she said, moving her food around her plate. "I didn't mean to keep you here for so long, I just didn't want to be alone."

"I don't mind at all."

"You must miss your bed though," she added.

"Nope."

"I just don't know when I'm going to stop replaying everything I did and said that last week. I keep going over all the little details and I don't even want to, my mind just won't stop."

"That makes a lot of sense but I don't think you could have done anything differently, it seems like he was thinking this way for a while."

"Maybe."

Carol didn't want to be alone, she was afraid of the quiet. She could be quiet with Daryl and everything still felt OK but being in the quiet alone scared her.

"Do you mind staying just one more night?"

"I'll stay as long as you want."

"I know it's not smart...but I want to get drunk and I shouldn't do that alone."

"Maybe you shouldn't drink at all," he warned, thinking she'd just end up more down.

"I know I shouldn't but will you stay and look out for me anyway?"

"You know I will."

Carol got up and walked into the kitchen and climbed onto the counter.

"What are you up to, spider monkey?"

"I'm grabbing my emergency bottle of gin but I need soda water and lime too."

She looked down at him and she knew he was worried.

"I get it, Daryl, I really do...but if I don't forget for a few hours I'll go out of my mind."

"Alright then, you do what you have to and I'll look out for you. I'm going to the store and getting you soda and lime and Cool Ranch Doritos."

"You know me so well, don't you?" she smiled.

"Yes, and even though I don't think you should drink I'm still going to babysit you."

"I love you, Daryl."

"I know and I love you too. Behave yourself until I get back," he teased.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter 9**_

 _ **You'll remember me when the west wind moves**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Upon the fields of barley**_ _ **  
**_ _ **You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky**_ _ **  
**_ _ **As we walk in fields of gold**_

 _ **I never made promises lightly  
And there have been some that I've broken  
But I swear in the days still left  
We'll walk in fields of gold **_

_**~ Sting – Fields of Gold**_

What Daryl really wanted and the lines he was willing to cross were two separate things. He could sense a desperation in her to feel something good or feel nothing at all and he was planning to be very cautious. His plans were much further reaching than just that evening. The last thing he wanted was for anything between them to be born of grief, it wasn't the time to make a move at all.

He got back from the store and found her laying back on the couch and she looked calm, she looked like his Carol again.

The first time he ever lay eyes on her there was something so familiar. She had been just sitting there on the front steps of their high school looking small and shy but they became friends so fast. All he said was hi and she looked up at him with a sweet smile, like she'd been expecting him for hours.

Within ten minutes he was lending her a cigarette and they were discussing music. She became his everything in only ten minutes.

Looking back on it now he felt like a moron for never telling her that and for ever letting it get so friendly when what he really wanted was to be hers.

"What took you so long?" she smiled.

It sounded like a loaded question to him but not the way she meant it.

"I had to find the lime cordial you like and they don't sell that everywhere."

"Sorry, it's my favorite."

"I don't mind. If you're gonna be silly and drink right now you may as well drink what you want."

An hour later she was feeling tipsy and he knew she wasn't stopping until she couldn't remember Dylan's name.

"Part of me is angry as hell," she confessed, setting her glass down on the table.

"That makes sense," Daryl answered.

"He must have known I'd blame myself forever so how could he do that to me?"

"I think he was just tired of struggling, I'm sure he never meant to hurt you. He can't have been thinking properly at the time."

"I guess being angry is easier than feeling sad. Even if we didn't work out I still wanted him to be happy...and alive."

"If you want to be angry for a bit then be angry, it's all part of it. You're probably going to feel a whole bunch of things and I'll be here for all of it."

Carol leaned into him and took in the familiar smell of his aftershave, the hardness of his chest and the scruff of his facial hair. He was all the things she'd come to know as comfort.

"Can you hold me?" she asked.

"Come on," he said, laying back on the couch and pulling her back between his legs. It felt so good just to touch her again. Back when they were younger he always held her during movies, hugged her when she was sad and tickled her just to hear her laugh. They had been very physical back then but he had barely touched her in two years cause he never wanted to be the reason Dylan got upset. It had changed everything about their friendship so now being able to get close again felt like coming home, it felt amazing.

Feeling her back against his chest and smelling her hair right next to his cheek, he felt happy again.

Carol took a long swig of the drink and rolled her eyes into her head.  
"Damn that's good...I needed this tonight."

"You can have whatever you need after what you've been through," he assured her.

She fell silent then and he could tell that her mind was probably on the last time she'd spoken to Dylan or kissed him, maybe even the last time they had sex. She looked far away and distant.

"I'm sorry," she said suddenly.

"Don't you ever be sorry. You have to feel it to move on, Carol."

"Moving on sounds scary...but I do want to."

"You can, you just need to be patient with yourself."

She sipped her drink and curled up against him and he knew he couldn't and wouldn't take advantage of the situation but he wanted to kiss her and he couldn't deny it. Daryl wanted to be the one to make her happy again and give her everything she needed. He wanted to be strong for her and lift her back up after this tragedy.

Most of all he planned to help her heal somehow and when the time was right he was going to try once and for all to make her his, the way he felt it always should have been.

By midnight he was cramping up so he led her to her bed to sleep it off. She was out of it but still pulled him in close like a blanket. Daryl climbed in next to her and pulled her drunken body in tight against his. Carol stayed completely still all night until the morning when he tried to sneak out to pee, then she reached for him with her eyes still closed.

"Did I make an ass of myself?" she groaned, rubbing her head.

"No, everything is fine and if you want a babysitter again so you can drink just call me."

She smiled up at him and he went to the bathroom to try and deal with his morning wood.

Daryl finally moved back home later that day. He had stayed for a week and it was never even discussed, it was just understood that he'd be there.

 _ **##############################**_

 _ **~1 month later**_

Carol was starting to feel human again. She returned to work after two weeks and her union brothers welcomed her back with kind words of condolence and support. With her work friends around for moral support it was hard to dwell on her sadness for too long.

Christmas came and went and she spent it with Daryl. They visited with Abe and Rosita over the holidays and they all awaited the imminent arrival of Rick and Lori's baby.

It all felt strange without Dylan but life was starting to become a new normal. She didn't feel like celebrating or doing much of anything so it was a subdued and quiet holiday just the way she liked it.

Daryl bought her a necklace with a heart for Christmas and she wore it everyday, rain or shine. Carol bought Daryl a voucher for a nice hotel so he could get away for a weekend after taking such good care of her over the past month.

He was there all the time to pick things up for her, keep her company and break up the silence or to make her laugh.

She'd always miss Dylan and always wish it would have come out differently but she couldn't go back and change it and facing that fact was key to her sanity.

Dylan's brother Dean came down to visit and they reminisced about him over a few drinks. Carol knew that Dean bore a great deal of the guilt for what happened to his brother but he'd gone to bed like nothing was especially wrong so how was he to know. She assured Dean that it was nobody's fault and that Dylan knew they all loved him, he was just unwilling to hang on. Carol still wished there had been more help available and decided that come hell or high water she had to look into organizing a Mental Health Mobile Crisis unit for their city. She didn't know the first thing about how to even go about it but she was determined that other people in her situation should have more options, it could save a life after all. Making a few phone calls to the local government and health authority couldn't hurt, all they could say was no.

The next night it was freezing cold and Carol was on her way to see Daryl after work. She was spending all her free time with him just like the old days and she felt rejuvenated.

She showed up at his house just as it was starting to get dark.

"Come in! You must be freezing cold," he grinned, pulling her in as she kicked the snow from her boots.

"It's evil cold out there tonight," she shuddered.

Daryl took her coat and then paused for a moment as she bent down to take off her boots.

"I called your house last night but there was no answer," he remarked.

"I was just out for a drink," Carol answered, standing up and smiling at him.

"With who?"

"Dean came down to see how I was doing. He still feels really bad about his brother understandably."

"Oh..."

Daryl had a vision of her with Dean, the two of them comforting each other and her moving on without him.

Daryl didn't even know if Carol wanted him but before she moved on, leaving him longing for her again, he had to say something.

"You OK?" she asked, obviously trying to read his expression.

"Yeah, I'm fine...actually I'm not fine. Can I tell you the truth?"

"Of course."

Carol came in and sat down on his couch after getting the impression he had something more serious on his mind.

Daryl sat next to her and took one of her hands in his, he just look at it for a while and then up at her face.

"Carol...I'm afraid to tell you what I'm thinking but I can't hold this in anymore."

"What's wrong?" she asked looking terrified of what could come next.

"I love you, Carol."

"I love you too."

"Not just like that...it's more than that. I've had this feeling like it was meant to be me and you together for a long time..."

"Daryl-"

"It was, wasn't it? Please tell me it's not just me thinking this. I wanted to be with you since we were kids but it was never the right time."

Carol looked baffled to be hearing such a thing, like it had never crossed her mind that he could feel this way.

"Why didn't you ever ask me?"

"Your dad told me to keep my hands off you back in school and by the time you left home you were with Jeremy and I figured I'd been relegated to the position of brother or permanent friend."

"I just didn't think you liked me like that."

"I don't like you like that, I love you like that."


	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter 10**_

 _ **~Are you gonna hide?  
Are you gonna burn?  
Gonna answer me?  
Let me take your heart  
Love you in the dark,  
No one has to see  
I...I want more, I want more  
I...I want more, I want more~**_

 _ **~ Years and years - Memo**_

Carol felt anxious, surprised and excited all in one moment.

"Daryl..."

"This is probably too soon to even bring it up but I'm terrified of missing my chance again."

"Missing your chance?"

She didn't quite know what he meant by the statement. Carol was always under the impression that he was fine with things the way they were after all the time that had passed.

"Every time I worked up the nerve to ask, you seemed to be taken...and I was also afraid of you saying no."

"Are you serious? I spent all of high school waiting for you to ask me out."

They sat in stunned silence, although it all should have been obvious. Maybe they'd been to close to it to see the truth.

Carol couldn't imagine finding anyone after Dylan, the idea of getting close to a stranger was not something she looked forward to. The only thing that scared her about being with Daryl was the potential of messing up their friendship but it seemed well worth the risk. It was hard to see anything tearing them apart after so many years as best friends.

"I just want the chance to see if it could be more. When you're ready, of course. I can wait as long as you need I just had to tell you before you found someone new, I had to try."

"Daryl, I want to. If we just take it a little slow."

She smiled and squeezed his hand, feeling butterflies inside at the prospect of finally turning that page with him.

"Slow is just fine...but could I take you out on a proper date tomorrow?" he asked. He'd always wanted to ask her that and couldn't believe he was finally doing it.

"I'd love that," she answered before moving a little closer on the couch.

"Do you feel weird about this because of him?"

"I feel like I should...but at the same time I tired so hard. I've turned it over and over in my mind a hundred times and I did everything I could to save him. I don't want to be alone."

"I want you to know I'd never rush you, I just wanted a chance to be with you," he said, running his fingers over the knuckles of her hand.

"This just feels right, doesn't it?" she grinned.

"It does. I've loved you since I was a kid, nothing feels more right than this."

Carol stayed until almost midnight and he was excitedly planning their date in his mind as she sat next to him on the couch. They chatted and held hands and he hugged her extra slow and long before she left. He wanted to take it nice and slow cause he knew she needed that and after waiting so long, jumping in head first would just be wrong.

He wanted to show her he could be more than her friend, maybe she could see him in a whole new light.

Carol drove home feeling excited, guilty for feeling excited, scared, hopeful, frisky, sad and tired. A range of emotion filled her but she knew that Daryl was the one person she wanted to be with. Maybe others would say it was too soon but it didn't feel that way to her.

She had loved Dylan completely and would have stayed with him had he not decided that he'd had too much. She never stop feeling sad that he felt he had no other option but nothing could make the past different now.

A woman could love more than one man in a lifetime, that's what she told herself. Life was not a children's fairy tale where you were only ever intended for one man and when that ended you stayed forever alone.

Carol wanted a future, she wanted to be happy again and the the more she tried to picture herself with Daryl the more sense it made.

 _ **##############################################**_

The next morning Carol woke up with a smile on her face and it felt good. She felt like life had more to offer her than she thought. There had been nights she thought would never end in the last month. Nights when she'd wake in a cold sweat, positive that it had been a dream and Dylan was safe and well. Nights when all she could do was call Daryl to bring her back to reality and he was always there, ready to listen no matter what the hour.

She crawled out of bed, staggering toward the obnoxious alarm in her t-shirt and panties. That night she would be going on a real date with Daryl, the parts of her that felt she was betraying Dylan were quiet for a moment and let her be excited.

Carol had come to realize that Dylan hadn't betrayed her, he just didn't want to go on and he didn't receive the help he obviously needed. She knew she wasn't betraying him by choosing to live and she knew Daryl could make her happy.

Daryl picked her up for work as usual and it felt like high school when you get to sit next to your crush on the bus.

She arrived at work and all her work friends were still being extra sweet with her, bringing her coffee and donuts for breakfast and filling out her paper work before she got the chance.

"It's time for the safety meeting!" Abe hollered.

"Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!" they returned, all except the new girl in the corner keeping to herself. Candace still looked miserable to be there despite having arrived ages ago. Carol had tried to talk to her but she was short on conversation and high on judgment so Carol gave up, preferring to stick to her real friends.

Rick, Abe and Carol were assigned to a scaffolding that needed to be replaced so Carol gathered her winter gear to keep her ears from getting frostbitten.

"I'll meet you guys out there in just a sec, I need to find my thermal hardhat liner!" Carol yelled.

"Got it, Hun!" Abe returned.

They left the trailer and she was left with Candace who still looked miffed. Carol took no part in workplace drama so she didn't ask what the problem was but she still got dragged into it.

"Carol, how do I go about filing a complaint with the union?"

Carol walked over to a filing cabinet where the shop steward kept all the office document and handed her a complaint form.

"Thanks...I didn't want to do this but it's crazy around here."

Carol knew she was about to complain about one of the men who had bent over backwards to make the worst thing that ever happened to her easier so it was hard to hold her tongue.

"Just fill out the form and give it to the shop steward."

"You're a woman, Carol. Don't you ever get sick of the foul jokes and the pictures and the sexist language?"

"What sexist language?" Carol asked, although she didn't want to have the discussion in the first place.

"Daryl called the office manager sweet cheeks yesterday."

Carol just didn't have it in her to deal with this kind of thing.

"Daryl's been calling her sweet cheeks for years, she likes it. Look, I need to get to work."

Carol pulled out her hard hat liner from under a stack of paperwork and pulled it over her head.

"Why won't you stand with me in this? You're a woman too," Candace asked, starting to sound infuriated.

Carol sighed and looked right at her face and smiled.

"These men may have naked girls on the wall and tell a couple of off color jokes and if that offends you then by all means fill out your complaint, I fully support your right to do so, but I won't be joining you. These men are my brothers, they have helped me through...hell and I wouldn't be here without them. You do what you have to do but don't ask me to be a part of it."

Candace tried to guilt her by telling her she was part of the problem but she rolled her eyes and when back to work. When she arrived at the scaffolding where Abe and Rick were waiting they asked what was keeping her and if she was alright.

"I'm fine," she grinned, "let get this job done, boys!"

Carol couldn't be bothered to worry about workplace drama and stayed focused on the evening she'd be having with Daryl. Abe and Rick were discussing the next step in the erection of the final layer of scaffolding when there came a thundering bellow from across the yard.

"Rick! Get your ass home! Lori's having the baby!"

Rick looked suddenly pale but was grinning widely.

"Go," Carol insisted, but he didn't move. "Rick...your baby's coming, get moving!"

He finally clued in and shook both their hands before hollering like an idiot and running to the wood tick trailer.

Carol had just spoken to Rosita the day earlier and Lori was having all the tell tale signs of early labor so it wasn't a huge surprise to her.

"Finally!" Abe grinned.

"Yep, felt like she was going to be been pregnant forever," Carol grinned.

The day ended with Candace glaring at her but she was on her way to meet Daryl at the old red truck so she couldn't care less.

After losing Dylan, Carol had learned that life was precious and fragile. It wasn't worth her time to fight about nonsense, she still had a life to live.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter 11**_

 _ **In the chilly hours and minutes**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Of uncertainty, I want to be**_ _ **  
**_ _ **In the warm hold of your loving mind**_ _ **  
**_ _ **To feel you all around me**_ _ **  
**_ _ **And to take your hand along the sand**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind**_

 _ **When sundown pales the sky**_ _ **  
**_ _ **I want to hide a while behind your smile**_ _ **  
**_ _ **And everywhere I'd look your eyes I'd find**_ _ **  
**_ _ **For me to love you now**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Would be the sweetest thing 'twould make me sing**_

 _ **Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind**_

"So...I'll pick you up at 6?" he asked when they sat down in the truck together.

"That's perfect. It'll give me time to get out of my work gear and looking like a woman for you."

"You always look like a woman to me," he smiled.

"You're a sweet-talker, Daryl. I had no idea," she laughed.

"I might be a little different than you expect, now that I can be open about this."

He fired up the truck and they waited for it to warm up while having a smoke together.

Daryl looked at her coveralls and her work boots, knowing full well how many layers were underneath. He tried not to imagine peeling off each layer piece by piece.

He wouldn't rush it, she'd already been through so much, but he wanted it...he wanted her.

"So where are we going? How should I dress?" she asked.

"I'm taking you to Casa Italia so...fancy I guess?" he laughed.

"Are you putting on a suit?" she asked with a big grin.

"Yep. I waited a long time to ask you out so I'm doing it up right," he nodded.

Daryl dropped her off at her apartment and raced home to get ready, he hadn't been so excited in ages. He got in the shower and scrubbed the workday off his skin. There were no plans to end up in bed or anything like that but he still wanted to smell good and make a good impression.

His mind drifted back to the last time he'd seen her bare skin and it was all he could do to not touch himself to the memory. She and Dylan had come to the lake with some guys from work last summer and she had worn a red bathing suit. His eyes were pulled to her over and over as he kept reminding himself to look away. It would have caused a problem with Dylan and he didn't want that. Being able to look at her now and even take her out was something he never thought would happen.

He stepped out of the shower and ran his hand across the steamed up glass to look at himself. He decided to trim his goatee and put on the fancy cologne Carol had bought him for his birthday.

He called Rick to check on Lori as he played some music to ease his nerves.

"It'll be a while yet," Rick informed him.

"Give her my best and hang in there, buddy," Daryl chuckled. "It'll all be over soon."

"She's looking exhausted already but the doctor says it'll be hours still. So you're taking Carol out tonight?"

"Yeah, and I'm shitting myself," he confessed.

"You'll do fine, you two are almost a couple already anyway," Rick laughed.

"What does that mean?"

"You've been inseparable since I met you. I always figured you'd wind up together eventually."

"Hopefully I don't fuck it up."

"You won't."

"Call me if there's any news about Lori and the baby."

"I will, talk to ya later."

Daryl put on a white dress shirt and a tie and had to dig in his closet for the dress shoes he'd worn to the funeral. He didn't want to think of Dylan then so he pushed the thought from his mind.

He pulled up outside her building and walked to the door, fidgeting with his keys as he buzzed her apartment.

"I'll be right down," she answered.

He paced back and forth a few times on the front steps until a shadow caught his attention.

Carol came walking down the steps in a pair of black tights and a sapphire blue dress that fell just above her knee. Since it was still miserably cold she had on a black button up jacket and a scarf as well. Daryl had never seen her look more beautiful and he felt far more nervous than he had in the first place.

"Hi."

"You look so pretty," he muttered.

"Thanks, you look pretty fine yourself," she winked.

He opened her door just cause he felt like he was supposed to. He'd never felt so awkward in all his life and knew he had to get a grip.

When they pulled up outside the old two story house that had been converted into an Italian restaurant he stopped to look over at her for a moment.

"I'm all fucked up and nervous around you tonight," he laughed. He had to be honest and get it out of the way.

"I feel nervous too but it's going to be fine, right?"

Carol reached for his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

When they got inside and were taken to a quiet table in the back he started to feel better. The lights were low and there was a candle between them on the table.

"It's really pretty in here," she smiled.

It looked like an authentic Italian restaurant that could easily be in Tuscany itself, and the music was soft and unintrusive.

Daryl ordered wine and couldn't take his eyes off her beautiful face as they waited for their food.

"Are you OK?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she insisted. "This is all so new but I'm happy I'm here with you...I can't get over how good you look."

"Come on, you'll make me blush," he laughed.

"I mean it, you look incredible."

The food at Casa Italia was the best she'd ever had and after they ate he insisted they share some tiramisu with a cup of coffee.

"So tell me," Carol began. "Did you really think I was going to go out with Dylan's brother?"

He smiled at her, feeling kinda silly.

"I don't know, but if it wasn't him it would have been someone else eventually and I didn't want to miss my shot again."

"I'm really glad you asked. I just didn't think you saw me like that, I thought maybe we'd been friends too long."

"I definitely see you like that," he insisted.

By the time they'd digested a little and could breathe again she was wondering what was next.

"So what do you want to do now?" she asked. "Could I interest you in a nightcap at my place?"

"Definitely."

Daryl got up to pay the bill and looked back at Carol at the table. Her blue dress had thin straps and a great deal of her back and shoulders were exposed to his hungry eyes, she was perfect.

"You ready?" he asked, holding her jacket for her to put her arms in.

"This was so nice, Daryl, thank you."

"My pleasure," he smiled.

Back in the truck Carol received a text and he waited as she responded to it. He didn't want to ask what it was about because it wasn't his business but he hoped it wasn't Dean.

"Sorry about that," she said, putting her phone back in her purse. "I didn't think they'd be texting me at this hour...I'm trying to see about starting a mobile crisis unit for Regina."

"Really?" he was surprised to hear she was taking on such a lofty task after what she'd just been through but it was just like Carol to try and help.

"Maybe it could help someone in the future...I just felt like I should try to do something productive."

"I think that's awesome, Carol. Can I do anything to help?"

"Maybe. I'm thinking about ways to raise funds for this and trying to get a hold of people who know how to run it. I must be crazy to take this on."

Daryl looked at her until her eyes were focused on his.

"I think you're amazing."

When they arrived back at her apartment she left him sitting on the couch while she got out of her tights and grabbed them a drink.

She came to sit next to him on the couch and felt like it had gone perfectly.

"Well, we finally did it," she chuckled to herself.

"Yeah...finally. You still OK?" he asked, running his fingertips over the knuckles of her hand.

Carol swallowed hard and looked down at his hand and then up at his face, it was now or never.

She moved closer slowly and he nervously licked his lips just as she came within reach.

"I just want to try something," she whispered.

Carol lay her hand on his thigh and closed her eyes as their lips met and she knew then, she knew everything she needed to.

He was her best friend but from that moment on he'd be so much more. She could feel adrenaline rushing from her heart down her arms to the tips of her fingers and then back.

The sensation of his lips against hers for that second in time was enough to drive her mad with excited tension.

It felt so good and she couldn't resist moving in closer to extend the moment.

It was happening in slow motion, like the way they show it in the movies and you never believe is possible in reality. His hands came up to touch her face gently and he pressed his lips against hers a little more insistently.

Daryl pulled back for a moment as if to check in and she smiled, letting him know she was fine.

He came back to her, kissing her again but this time he turned his head just a little to the left and opened his mouth.

Carol felt her heart beating clear out of her chest. All the times she'd imagined kissing him paled when compared to the actual feeling of it happening.

She allowed his tongue entry to her mouth and a soft moan escaped her. She'd never felt a kiss like this before, there was something completely magical about it. He'd been right there since she was a kid, right in front of her.

There was nothing weird about it, all the concerns that it might feel like kissing her brother dissolved as she realized she wanted more.

A natural pause came and his hands were still on her face.

"What do you think?" he asked, sounding just a little out of breath.

"This feels so right," she uttered.

"I couldn't agree more."

She pulled him back to kiss him and that's when his phone began to ring.

She laughed at the untimely call and shook her head.

"It's Rick...sorry."

"Answer it, Lori's in labor," she insisted.

Daryl talked for a few minutes and it was clear that something was off with Lori and the baby.

He hung up and sighed.

"He says she's going in for an emergency C-section and her family is still driving in so he wants me to go wait with him."

"Go ahead, should I come too?" she asked.

"Yeah, I think he'd appreciate all the moral support he can get. He sounds terrified."

"I'm sure she'll be fine but we'll go keep him company," she added.

Carol ran to get changed into something more comfortable and they went to the hospital to join Rick. Being interrupted was painful but if Daryl had it his way they'd be getting close again very soon.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Chapter 12**_

 _ **I got to your house this morning,**_  
 _ **Just a little after nine**_  
 _ **In the middle of that riot,**_  
 _ **Couldn't get you off my mind**_

 _ **So, I'm at your house this morning,**_  
 _ **Just a little after nine**_  
 _ **'Cause, it was in Bobcaygeon**_  
 _ **Where I saw the constellations reveal themselves**_  
 _ **One star at time**_

 _ **##########################################################**_

When Daryl and Carol arrived at the hospital they found Rick pacing in the corridor. Lori had dangerously high blood pressure and was just about to be taken into surgery. Rick managed to keep it together but it was easy to see he was terrified. The doctor had mentioned to him the possibility of stroke and that was enough to make him more scared than he'd ever been.  


They talked for a good twenty minutes as Lori was being prepared for the operation.

"I can't let her see me this worried, I gotta be strong for her," Rick said, rubbing his hands on his forehead.

"It's going to be OK," Carol insisted.

"We weren't expecting this...she had this big, elaborate birth plan and everything was fine the whole time she was pregnant. I just don't get it."

The doctor called him in to the OR a moment later, saying they were ready for the C-section.

"She'll be fine, Rick. We'll be right here when you get out."

"Thanks, you guys." Rick smiled and disappeared through a set of swinging doors.

Daryl and Carol walked to the maternity ward waiting room to try and pass the time.

Carol got them both a cup of dreadful machine coffee and they sat down on a couch together.

"I sure hope she's OK," Daryl began.

"Me too...poor Rick."

"This is a wild first date, I guess," Daryl joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Definitely. Next date we'll have to just stay home and turn off the phones," she answered.

"I like the sound of that."

Daryl leaned in closer and lay his head on her shoulder, letting out a heavy yawn. It was heading toward 11pm and he was normally in bed fairly early because of how early they had to be up for work.

"If I don't get to bed soon I'm calling in sick," he sighed.

"That actually sounds pretty good," she agreed.

Within the hour Rick came out, looking relieved and grinning from ear to ear.

"I take it everything's OK," Carol smiled.

"He's perfect and Lori's stable now. He's 8 pounds 10 ounces, we named him Carl," he beamed.

"Congratulations, man!" Daryl reached out and hugged Rick, smacking him a few times on the back.

"I'm so glad they're both OK! Do you have a picture on your phone?" Carol asked, eager to see the baby they'd all been waiting for.

"Yeah...here."

Rick pulled out his phone and scrolled through to show them the perfect little bundle with dark hair and pale skin, he looked like a doll.

"He's a handsome little devil," Carol grinned.

"Thanks for coming, guys," Rick offered. "I was pissing myself there."

"It's nothing, Daryl assured him. "That's what we do."

A nurse came by to speak to Rick and said the baby had been examined and that they could have a quick look if they wanted to.

"Come on. Our families will be here in a bit but you guys have to see him!" Rick exclaimed. He was excited to show off his son to two of his closest friends.

Carol stopped to say a quick hello to Lori and then met with Rick and Daryl to see the baby.

Daryl was holding little Carl, swaddled up in a hospital flannel blanket with firetrucks all over it.

Carol grinned at the giddy look in his eyes.

"Look at this tiny little hat!" he chuckled.

Baby Carl had a teeny little toque on to keep his head warm and he was the sweetest thing she'd ever seen.

Daryl offered the baby to her and they both went goo goo over him as Rick took pictures.

Rick's family arrived, followed by some of Lori's family and they said goodnight to Rick before leaving the hospital.

It was late but they were both wired from the coffee and excitement of the baby.

"Did you just want to crash with me?" she asked, hoping he wouldn't think it was too forward or too fast.

She wanted to hold him, cuddling with Daryl was the best way to sleep and she knew it from the couple of nights he had stayed after Dylan's death.

He turned to look at her as he drove and nodded.

"I'm I on teddy bear duty again?" he chuckled.

"Maybe...perhaps I have other duties for you."

It came out tentative and unsure but she saw a sly grin cross his lips in the dark interior of the truck.

When they got back to her apartment she lead him in and turned on only the lamp on the TV stand in her living room. She didn't know quite how to navigate this with him, luckily he took over for her.

"What do you say we both cry off sick tomorrow and just crawl into bed?" he suggested.

Carol smiled and couldn't think of anything she'd rather do, she wanted to hold him and to kiss him again.

She walked down the hall to her bedroom as he followed and knew nothing would be that same by that time the next day.

She watched him walk into her bedroom and reach behind his head to pull off his shirt.

The muscles of his back and arms made her feel almost dizzy. She'd seen his body before but it was different then, she wasn't supposed to touch him or get too close then...now she could.

Carol stood in the doorway of the bathroom in the darkened hallway and stared at him as he unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans.

They'd slept in the same bed before but nothing about this felt familiar or calm, her blood was burning through her veins as he dropped his pants and climbed into her bed.

"You coming?" he asked, rolling over to see her standing there staring.

"Yeah...just gonna brush my teeth," she answered.

Carol turned on the bathroom light and stood before the mirror feeling certain that she was supposed to feel guilty and wondering why she didn't. She hadn't left Dylan, he had left her and she loved Daryl...what could possibly be wrong in that. The answer was: nothing, and she knew it.

She washed up and brushed her teeth then rubbed some tea tree lotion all over her skin, this was it.

When she got to the bedroom it was a new world, it wasn't just her and Daryl being friends it was completely different.

He smiled up at her and pulled back the covers.

"You alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine, just a little nervous..."

"It's just me, Carol. Come here," he said, patting the mattress next to him.

Carol took off her shirt and pants and climbed in next to him in just her underwear and a men's undershirt, the kind she normally wore to work.

The room was pitch black and the world was silent except for the sound of his breathing next to her.

"I'm not expecting anything, Carol. I just want to be close to you."

She rolled over to face him and he pulled her into his arms as she squirmed closer. Her hand came to rest on the side of his waist and he hissed sharply.

"Your hands are like ice!" he exclaimed.

"Sorry."

"It's OK...here."

He took both her hands and held them against his chest then he moved in to kiss her forehead.

The heat from his body warmed her hands and she knew he'd always be there, there was no risk of losing him.

His kisses moved from her forehead, to her cheek and then to her lips.

Carol knew it was right and that she was ready. Daryl had been her best friend since high school, this was no stranger to her.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Chapter 13**_

 _ **Hold on to the thread  
The currents will shift  
Glide me towards  
You know something's left  
And we're all allowed  
To dream of the next  
Oh, oh the next, time we touch...**_

Daryl was done playing games, he'd wanted Carol since the first moment he lay eyes on her and he wasn't about to screw it up now.

After everything she'd been through she deserved to love again, to believe in hope again. He'd taken care of her emotionally since they were 14, now was time to prove he could take care of her physically.

She smelled like tea tree and her skin was smooth and cool, he planned to warm her up nicely though. He didn't see her as his best friend anymore, she was the woman he loved and he had to show her that.

Daryl could sense how nervous she was and so he moved slowly and step by step.

They stayed face to face, laying on their sides for a while just getting used to the idea of getting close and then he took it up a notch. He rolled over her halfway and slid his thigh between hers and he could sense it was OK. Her body relaxed and he kissed her harder, he wanted her to see him as her man and not her BFF.

Carol could feel her body responding to everything about him. He was confident in his movements and she knew it was right. He had no reservations and took the lead, she found it very sexy and a little surprising.

He was moving his thigh almost imperceptibly between her legs and against her panties and she brought her leg up around his hip, this was going to happen. Her hands roamed around his body and over his strong arms as she kissed him. She could feel his hand moving down her back slowly and then finally it settled on her ass and she couldn't help but grin. Daryl, her best friend Daryl, was holding her ass and had his tongue in her mouth. This was not her best friend Daryl though, this man was sexy as hell and knew just what he was doing. He held her ass cheek in his strong hand and pulled her in tighter against his upper thigh and her eyes rolled back into her head. Carol hadn't expected these moves, they were driving her crazy.

She moved her mouth to his neck and then couldn't resist the temptation to slide her hand down his body lower and lower. She'd always wondered what he was like in this regard and couldn't wait any longer to find out.

He was half on top of her and when he sensed what she was doing he eased back a little to give her hand room. She could tell that he wanted it and she loved that. Her hand slipped down between their bodies and she touched him through his boxers, finding him hard as granite. In no time at all she needed to touch is bare skin and started to pushed his boxers down and he squirmed around to help. The next thing she knew he was touching her breasts through her undershirt and she had her fingers curled around his dick. She moved her hand in a steady rhythm, pulling him down into the burning pit of arousal where there was no escape.

Daryl bit his lower lip and rolled his hips toward the source of his weakness. Carol's hand on his dick was heaven, pure unadulterated heaven. He couldn't take it anymore and needed contact with her skin so he began pulling her undershirt over her head and started looking for how to get her out of her bra.

He'd imagined touching her breasts much more than once. He'd played all of this out in his mind so many times that having her now was a dream come to life.

"Here...it closes at the front," she whispered. His hands went to the clasp and he fumbled desperately for a moment before getting it to cooperate and then tearing it from her body.

There was only a thin stream of light coming through the door from the hallway but there was no missing her perfect breasts.

"Oh Christ, Carol...come here," he pleaded, pulling her under his body and kissing his way down her chest. He was 100% positive that she was the one woman he was supposed to be with. He knew her and loved everything about who she was.

His hand took her breasts and his mouth circled slowly closer to her nipples as she whined and ran her fingers into his hair.

"Oh god that's good," she hissed, wrapping her legs around his body.

All that stood between them now was a thin pair of silk panties and he didn't plan to let that fly for long. He did, however, want her to ask him for it...not beg, just ask. He needed to know when she was ready.

Daryl licked softly at her nipple and her heels dug into his lower back, making him grin...he was on the right track so he stayed right there.

Carol tried to contain all the heat and keep it under her control but it wasn't easy. His hot mouth closing around her nipple and sucking gently was so intense. Add to that the sensation of his dick pressing against the crotch of her wet panties and she was almost spent.

"I can't take it...I can't take any more," she warned.

Daryl grinned down at her and kissed her mouth again.

"This sure ain't taking a lot of work on my part."

"Well, I haven't so much as touched myself since..."

Her voice trailed off and she regretted her slip of the tongue, she didn't want to think of Dylan now. She didn't feel bad, she just didn't want to think of him. Again, Daryl came to the rescue and changed the subject and got a little cocky in the process, adding some much needed levity.

"That's alright, you just got all my best tricks to look forward to I guess," he winked.

"Can't wait," she purred, pulling him back down to her.

Daryl shifted to lay beside her and placed his strong, warm hand on her belly as she touched him back, jerking his dick with needy strokes.

"I'm serious...we need to move faster," she pleaded. "I want it now..."

He rolled her onto her side and pushed her underwear down over one hip and then the other.

Daryl couldn't wait to touch her there, he wanted her all over him and to be inside of her. He loved her more than anything, more than himself. She made a soft whimpering sound as his fingers finally trailed down her belly to her soft, wet heat and he groaned at the way she felt. It was perfect, she was perfect. He moved his hand in a slow, teasing wave and his middle finger pressed just a little against her entrance.

"Oh...mmmmm...oh my god..." she panted, laying her hand on top of his.

He loved being with her, it was better than the fantasy he'd carried around in his mind for years. She was so wet and warm and squirming with need that he found himself wanting to go even faster. Maybe it could be slower next time but right now he felt weak and desperate. He slid one finger into her and she arched her back just a little and let her legs fall further open.

"Now, Daryl...please."

Daryl climbed over her, he was more than done with foreplay too.

She was the one and he knew it, he'd know it all along.

Daryl pressed his lips to hers as she pulled him down into her.

"Oh Carol...mmm...yeah..."

He thrust into her and she whined softly and kissed his mouth hard, pulling him in deeper with her feet on his ass.

They both paused for a moment, taking in the full gravity of the situation and letting the reality dawn on them.

It morphed into madness then and neither of them was in control anymore. He fucked her hard, panting and moaning and clinging to her like she was keeping him tethered to the earth. He only wondered briefly if he was getting out of hand until she whined and whimpered and pulled him in tighter. Soon she needed to be the one on top and rolled him onto his back.

Carol couldn't help the way she was responding, it felt like their bodies had been made for one another. She was teetering on the edge, just about to cum, for so long that it was getting almost painful. Carol looked down at him and knew he was blown away by it too. She lay her hands on the pillow on either side of his head and rolled her hips with her head thrown back as he dug his fingers into her waist. His dick felt incredible deep inside her, filling like nobody ever had.

He raised his head and took her left nipple with his mouth and ran it over his tongue and then sucked it into his mouth. That did it.

"Oh God! Oh fuck! Mmmm..."

Carol dropped her face to his chest and road out the best orgasm she'd ever had. It lingered and fluttered deep inside her for longer than ever before and she almost sobbed against him, feeling drained and yet completely fulfilled.

"Jesus," he moaned. "You OK?"

"This kind of OK should be illegal," she uttered, rolling onto her back.

She pulled him over her and begged him to finished it.

He slid into her again and only got a few thrusts out before he melted and came with absolute abandon.

"I love you...god, I love you," he growled, letting it go and pulling her close...

#######################################################

 **Super explicit, detailed sex didn't feel right for the first time but I still wanted it to be hot so I hope this works. Next time will be spicier;)**

 **This time I wanted it hot but more emotional. Thanks for reading:) Teagan**


	14. Chapter 14

_**Chapter 14**_

 _ **There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard  
No song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart and  
Our dreams and they are made out of real things  
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving  
Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart, like  
Why we're here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?  
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving  
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together**_

 _ **Mmm, it's always better when we're together**_  
 _ **Yeah, we'll look at them stars and we're together**_

 **Jack Johnson – Better Together**

She curled up into him and in only a few minutes her breathing had slowed right down to the unmistakable rhythm of sleep. Daryl had both arms wrapped tightly around her and hoped that in the morning there would be no regrets and no backtracking with her grief.

He always wondered if maybe he was putting the prospect of being with Carol up to an unrealistic standard but he wasn't, it was just as amazing as he figured it would be.

It was the middle of the night and he couldn't hold out anymore so he closed his eyes and let sleep take him under.

 _ **#########################################**_

Carol opened her eyes to the sound of the evil alarm she had forgotten to turn off the night before. It was 4:30 and she almost cried because she'd only been asleep a couple of hours.

Daryl groaned and rolled over in bed but didn't wake up completely. She walked over to turn the alarm off and looked back at his gorgeous ass, now uncovered by the blanket and for a split second she considered waking him up for round two but decided to text Abe to let him know they wouldn't be able to make it in and then crawled back under the covers.

At 1:30 in the afternoon they finally woke up for good.

"What an exhausting night!" he groaned, yawning and stretching like a cat.

"A good night though," she added.

"Best night of my life," he grinned, holding on and not letting her move away. "No regrets?"

"Definitely not. I thought it would be more...awkward, but it wasn't," she noted.

"It was perfect. You know the first time I thought of this kind of thing between us?"

Carol was very curious, having so much history with him was fun. They already had so much to build on.

"No, tell me."

Daryl trailed his fingertips up and down her forearm and she could tell his mind was back in high school.

"Remember when you had that boyfriend in grade 11...Matthew? When he dumped you and you called me up to come over and talk. You snuck out your window to cry in my arms for an hour in my car, I wanted you then."

"Why then specifically?" she asked.

"I always liked you, right from when I first met you but I wanted to sleep with you then. I knew I'd never hurt you...I just wanted to be the one to be with you and give you everything you needed. I wish I'd said something then, still can't believe I listened to your dad."

"Who knows how it might have turned out though...maybe it was meant to be this way."

"Maybe. I'm just glad I have you now."

"Me too," she smiled. "So what do you want to do today?"

"I want to get up and eat something and take a shower and give Rick a call to see how the baby is then order a pizza and watch a movie and then make love to you again, but slower this time."

"Wow! You have it all thought out," she laughed.

"Hell, that's nothing. I got the next 30 years of your life planned for ya, no worries," he answered, squeezing her tight.

"So what do I have to look forward to?" she teased, kissing his bare chest.

"All kinds of good stuff...moving into my place, getting married, babies, adopting a puppy, taking the kids camping. Lot's of good stuff," he yawned.

"You're adorable," she giggled.

Eventually she got out of his grasp and went to get some coffee going.

They ate a late lunch and she loved how easy it was, she could just be quiet around him. They didn't have to be doing the same thing or even speaking to feel connected. He sat on the couch flipping through some music on his phone and she watched TV. This is what she wanted all along, a comfortable relationship where she could be herself and when life fell apart she had someone to lift her above it.

She knew she could count on Daryl to be there, he always had been before.

They called Rick and spoke to Lori for a while. Rick sent more pictures of baby Carl and they both thought he was adorable.

Carol was feeling like a million dollars, life was sweet.

Daryl got up suddenly to look at her bookshelf and grabbed the book of photography that Dylan had bought her just before he passed away. She thought she had gathered everything of Dylan's and everything that reminded her of him but there was the book on her bookshelf.

She watched Daryl flip through the pages and remembered how Dylan had rested his head on her shoulder when she first looked at it and she crept toward Daryl on the couch to do the same.

"I like this one," he said, pointing to a picture of a mountain range at sunset.

"Me too," she agreed and kissed his neck softly with her arms around him.

All of the things Daryl had done since Dylan died had helped her to heal. It would always hurt on one level but she knew she could move on now and she looked forward to the future. She had made Dylan happy and he knew she loved him. What more could she have done?

"You OK?" Daryl asked, noticing that she'd gone quiet.

"I'm great," she smiled. "You?"

"I was thinking about this thing you want to raise money for," he began, "this mobile crisis thing."

"What about it?"

It was such a strange coincidence for him to be thinking of anything Dylan related at just that moment.

"Maybe we could have a shinny tournament and raise money that way, Dylan loved shinny," Daryl suggested.

"That's a great idea!"

"We could get all the guys from all the unions to play and chip in some money and raise some awareness in the process, right?"

"You're the most incredible person I ever met. Do you know that?" she uttered, turning his face to kiss him.

Kissing him still felt so new and exciting but so normal, it was a strange but beautiful contradiction.

When evening came Daryl ordered pizza and Carol received a call about training she inquired about for a suicide hotline. She'd need to take some classes but she wanted to help someone somehow if she could, she needed to give the senseless loss of Dylan some meaning. Thankfully Daryl understood it all and supported her completely.

"You're a good person, Carol. You aren't running from what happened and it'll make you even stronger, I'm proud of you."

"I just don't want anyone else to have to go through it if there's anything I can do. Thanks for not being upset about it."

"Of course not...I miss him too."

They had pizza and Daryl searched through her DVDs, many of which she still had from high school.

"We gotta watch this!" he grinned.

"Oh my god, yes!"

They curled up on the couch and watched Reality Bites with Winona Ryder and Ethan Hawke just like when they were kids.

"I always liked the love story behind Lelaina and Troy," Daryl said, wrapping his arm around her.

"Me too, best friends who fall in love. What a far fetched, crazy idea!" she laughed.

"Ridiculous," he whispered, moving into her space until she lay back on the couch.

Carol could feel a new intensity and she welcomed it. Life had been so stressful and sad in the past year and now was time for joy and love.

"Is this that slow love making I was promised?" she grinned.

"Oh yeah...nice and slow..."

 _ **#############################################**_

 _ **Next chapter will be great fun. Sorry to hold out but I needed some plot in this chapter.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading. Love ya. Teagan xoxo**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Chapter 15**_

 _ **Baby, I wanna to touch you  
I wanna breathe into your will  
See, I gotta to hunt you  
I gotta to bring you to my hell  
Baby, I wanna fuck you  
I wanna feel you in my bones  
Boy, I'm gonna love you  
I'm gonna tear into your soul**_

 _ **Desire, I'm hungry**_  
 _ **I hope you feed me**_  
 _ **how do you want me, how do you want me?**_  
 _ **how do you want me, how do you want me?**_

 _ **Desire – Meg Myers**_

New relationship excitement was off the charts with Daryl, she was just coming to terms with how much she'd always wanted him but denied it to herself. Countless times Carol had thought she and Daryl were so well matched and how sad it was that he never made a move. Getting her head around the idea that he'd wanted her all along was news enough but that he had this kind of passion and attraction for her as well was mind altering.

He lay over her on the couch, working his hips between her knees and taking her mouth with is own. Carol tried to imagine how sweet, and almost sinful, slow sex would be with Daryl and her heart raced. He moved himself against her and she could feel the heat rising from down between her legs and into every cell of her being.

"I'll never get my ass to work again," he joked. "All I wanna do is this now."

"Me too," she agreed.

He kissed her neck and let his hand wander down her body to her ass again, apparently he was into asses and she loved it. The way he'd grab her by her ass and pull her hips in tight against him made her brain go fuzzy. It was just forceful enough to be incredibly sexy and not enough to be too much.

A couch make out session seemed so right, it's what they should have been doing at 17 if things hadn't gotten so mixed up. Carol remember the tension she felt when he asked her to dance the night Dylan died and how torn she had felt, this was why...she loved Daryl.

"I need space for what I wanna to do with you," he grinned. "Bed?"

She nodded and got up to follow him down the hall to her bedroom. They'd spend all day in sweats, laying around and just being together, it was the end to a perfect day.

He grabbed her the moment they got through the doorway and she muttered something about the light.

"Do you really want it off?" he asked.

"Actually you're right, leave it on...I've waited years to see this," she teased, reaching down to touch him through his pants. He smirked and pulled her t-shirt slowly up over her head and tossed it across the room. He reached behind his own head and took off his shirt as well and his chest and arms got her going so easily, he was gorgeous.

Kissing him would never get old, he was an amazing kisser. He took control with his mouth, there were no awkward pauses or confusion of tongues. He was more dominant than she ever would have guessed, not pushy, he just knew what he wanted and what he was doing.

He backed her up toward the bed and held her behind the head and lower back as he lowered her down.

"I love the way you do this," she sighed.

"Do what?" he laughed.

"Take care of me...I need you to take care of me."

He smiled and lay over her, kissing her again and she felt so enveloped in him. She reached down to touch him through his clothing and decided at that moment that she needed to make him squirm a little. She tucked her thumbs into the waistband of his pants and pushed them down his body, eager to get to his dick.

He lay back with his head on her pillow, stark naked, and she loved the sight of him. The light of the lamp was enough that the room had a soft glow that wasn't clinical and he looked so damned good to her.

She kissed down his body on her knees and he pulled her hips closer as her mouth made it's way down his belly.

Carol licked and teased her way over the trail of hair running down the center of his stomach and his breathing indicated she was getting to him and so did his hard dick. She wanted to show him how much she adored him and his body. She made it to his throbbing dick and took it in her hand and then her mouth.

His breath caught in his throat and she loved it, she wanted to make him crazy. She knelt beside his waist and licked from the base all the way to the tip and he moaned softly laying his hand on the back of her thigh.

Daryl was going crazy and loved the way she touched him, her soft wet mouth was working him into a stupor.

"That feels so good," he groaned when she lowered her mouth over his dick. She held onto the base and worked her magic on the end and he wasn't sure how much more he could take. Just the idea of Carol, his Carol, actually sucking his dick was overwhelming. He never thought they'd get to this level and was ecstatic that they finally had.

Daryl touched her through her pants and she moaned with his dick in her mouth, he liked the way it felt so he kept it up. She moved her knees apart to receive more of his touch and he rubbed her through her sweatpants until she was making even more noise. He pulled her pants down over her hips and she never broke contact with his dick as she assisted him to get to her skin.

Seeing her in only her panties on her hands and knees as she sucked him off was amazing, he needed more of her moaning though, he needed it badly.

He slowly turned onto his side and she moved with him.

"Lay on your side...then we can both do this," he suggested and she grinned and complied.

She lay down on her side and continued to suck his dick and he pulled her hips closer to his face.

Carol couldn't believe she was about to be involved in 69 with her lifelong best friend but she couldn't wait. Something told her he'd know just how to please her with his mouth and she was so right.

He pulled her top leg over his head and curled forward to get closer to her wet panties. He wrapped his arms around her open thighs and teased her through her panties, rubbing his face against the crotch of her underwear as she whimpered for more.

She tried to focus on his dick but when he slid her panties to the side to get to her pussy her mind went completely blank and she froze. He trailed his tongue down her slit, light as a feather, and she dropped her head to the bed in ecstasy and burning anticipation. He repeated the motion two or three times and she could swear she was going to cum right there.

"Jesus, Daryl...Mmmm..."

She could feel his fingers teasing her entrance and his tongue slipping between her lips and the two sensations almost broke her and apparently he could tell.

"Breathe...don't cum yet..."

"Easy for you to say," she answered softly.

Her blow job had fallen by the wayside but she kept on working him over with her hand.

He pulled her hips in tighter and sucked her clit onto his mouth gently as he began to finger her. It was pure evil of the absolute best kind.

"Oh fuck...oh fuck..." she panted.

"Don't cum," he repeated.

He changed it up and went back to just nudging gently at her clit with the tip of his tongue and she whined desperately, wanting to cum so bad it hurt.

"I need to...I need..."

"Not yet."

He sank two fingers deep inside her and went back to sucking her lips and clit into his mouth and she could feel her body clenching. She looked down and his face was buried between her thighs as she lay on her side with her top thigh resting on the side of his cheek. It was too much. She was still giving a piss poor hand job but her brain just couldn't compute so she gave up for the moment and just let herself enjoy his talent.

"I have to..."

His hands took her ass and he pressed his tongue to her entrance and moved it in a steady rhythm that broke her.

"Uh...Mmm...Fuck...Oooooh!"

She flopped onto her back and he kept licking and sucking at her as she came until she lay her hand on his shoulder to let him know she was finished.

"Jesus Christ, Daryl!"

"What?"

"You've got your work cut out for you now! I'm gonna to make you do that every night!"

"I'll do that anytime you want," he grinned, pulling her on top of him. "Morning...coffee breaks at work...lunch time...after supper...midnight snack...anytime."

She rolled onto her back to wiggle out of her panties, she needed him right then.

"I love you," she giggled, throwing her leg over his waist and sinking down on his dick so fast he hissed and grabbed her tight by the hips.

"Ride me good, Carol," he pleaded and she rolled her hips on his lap making him growl.

Daryl was so close, her body was so wet and soft it was incredible. She rode him so good that it was impossible not to let go but he was trying to hang on. He reached up and took her breasts and held them so lightly that her nipples moved against the palms of his hands as she rode him and her eyes rolled back into her head and he grinned. Figuring out all the things she liked was going to be the best homework ever.

He squeezed them both then as he felt his orgasm building.

"Oh damn...I gotta cum..."

He was there, right at the edge and then she did something he hadn't expected but it blew his mind. Just before he came she pulled her leg back and leaned over him to take his dick in her mouth and swallowed...he just about died.

"Holy hell, Carol! Fuuuuuck!"

She moved her mouth on him nice and tight as he shot his load down her throat and it felt like heaven itself.

He just lay there, looking at the ceiling of her bedroom, panting and blinking like he was waking up from hypnosis.

She flopped next to him and he had enough brain power left to wrap his arm around her shoulder as she pulled the sheets up.

"You alright?" she asked, looking a little concerned at his stunned expression.

"That was insane...I never had anyone do that," he uttered.

"Good insane or bad insane."

"Fucking incredible insane!" he exclaimed with a smile finally creeping across his face.

They cuddled for a while, just enjoying the afterglow and silence, until she decided to comment.

"I wondered if we'd be sexually compatible after being friends for so long...I guess this answers that question."

"This is easily the most amazing sex I ever had, I had no idea it could be this good. Everything feels so much more intense with you," he insisted.

"I know what you mean. You're amazing, Daryl. I love you."

"I love you too, Carol, so much you have no idea."

"Oh I think I do," she smiled, cuddling into him a little closer.

 _ **################################################**_

 _ **I let my man, Vlad, read this and he said, "This is bullshit! I want credit for this, these are all my best moves and Daryl Dixon shouldn't get credit since he's already better looking than me." (not word for word but that was the basic idea. LOL)**_

 _ **So this is me giving my husband credit for all the sex in this chapter and if I'm being honest 95% of the sex that I write.**_

 _ **Thank you, baby.**_

 _ **Hope everyone likes this chapter. Thank you for reading. Teagan xoxoxox**_

 _ **There's one...maybe two more chapters to this one:)**_


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

 _ **Do you remember when we first met  
I sure do  
It was some time  
In early September**_

 _ **Though you were lazy about it**_  
 _ **You made me wait around**_  
 _ **I was so crazy about you**_  
 _ **I didn't mind**_

 _ **Do you remember – Jack Johnson**_

 _ **One Year Later**_

 _ **~ I just keep waiting for it to pass but it won't stop, I just thought I was down but I can't get out of this fucking hole by myself**_

 _ **~ the 'nobody moves, nobody gets hurt' method won't work, it's an illness but there is help**_

 _ **~ I'm just rambling and taking up your time from other calls**_

 _ **~ I'll happily listen as long as you need to talk**_

 _ **~ I don't know if there's anything left to say though**_

 _ **~ You might feel differently tomorrow...you need to know that everything you have to say is important**_

 _ **~ Is it?**_

 _ **~ Yes, and it doesn't have to be what everyone wants to hear either...if you're not OK then say so. It can get better but only if you tell people you need help. Be honest if you're angry or sad or desperate**_

 _ **~ I have a family, they don't need this shit**_

 _ **~ They need you**_

 _ **~ I've been talking your ear off all night and...**_

 _ **~ What is it, Jake?**_

 _ **~ I'm still scared of what I might do when I get off the phone**_

 _ **~ You don't have to keep feeling this way. Will you allow me to call mobile crisis for you?**_

 _ **~ You swear they won't make me do anything?**_

 _ **~ No, they are there to help and to listen and give you options. There are endless options now, Jake, outpatient services and some new support groups...there IS help.**_

 _ **~ I can't go to the hospital, I need to work and I have my kids on the weekend.**_

 _ **~ They will not make you go. They are just there to explain your options and support you, I promise. May I call them for you?**_

 _ **~ ...**_

 _ **~ Jake?**_

 _ **~ OK...you can call**_

 _ **~ Will you stay on the phone with me until they arrive?**_

 _ **~ OK.**_

 _ **~ Thank you for trusting me, Jake, it means a lot to me**_

Carol typed in the dispatch to the newly operational mobile crisis unit and gave them the address of the man's home she'd been speaking to for the last 3 hours. It had taken a long time but he sounded somewhat hopeful and that was a start. She was late for getting home to Daryl but she knew he'd get it, this happened on the nights she worked at the hotline pretty often.

When the unit arrived at Jake's house she wished him well and hoped for the best. She had to leave it in the hands of professionals at that point but she'd stopped him from going into his garage and never coming out again as he had originally planned that evening. His kids, who lived with their mother after a recent divorce, wouldn't have to wake up to hear their father was gone. It was one more day to hope, to get help, to try and get better. It was all she could do and she happily did it every Thursday night.

Carol had been at the hotline for a good 8 months and there were a few cases that didn't go as hoped and on those nights she had Daryl to come home to for support and comfort. She moved in very quickly after they got together but nothing felt too rushed about it. It was very much like they'd been waiting their whole lives to be together and there was no reason to wait.

The mobile crisis unit was in it's third month of operation and it hadn't been accomplished with a snap of the fingers by any means. It was through appeals to the government, the health authority, petitions from the community saying it was wanted and needed and endless fund raising and letter writing.

The most exciting thing for her had been organizing the shinny tournament that Daryl had thought of and tomorrow would begin the three day event for awareness, fund raising and support. They had arranged for the local support groups, counselors, mobile crisis and all kinds of people who were just open-minded because they'd lived with mental illness to be available to talk with people.

Daryl had been invaluable and supportive throughout the whole thing and as she sat down in the drivers seat of her car she was giddy to get home to him.

She started her car and found her playlist with all the music that reminded her of Daryl and then got another email to her account for the hotline. She sighed but check it anyway. Carol gave her email to everyone who called and spent a lot of her down time keeping in touch with people.

 _ **Carol, I just wanted to drop you a line about how things are now. I called months ago and I was at the bottom of a dark pit to say the least. I'm David from O'Neil high school, you probably talk to a lot of people but I wanted you to know that I finally told my mom that I needed some help. It's been a long road but I started seeing a psychiatrist and I have a youth counselor now who's really cool. I'm glad you were there cause if you weren't I probably wouldn't be right now. Thank you very much.**_

She answered the message right away, being sure to mention his favorite hockey team so he'd know she remembered him specifically and turned off her phone, she felt like somehow she'd come full circle. She couldn't save Dylan, for all her effort it still happened, but David was here right now and doing well and so was Jake for the moment. It wasn't really her doing to saving, it was all the mental health professionals, but she was happy to help lead lost souls to the appropriate resources.

She started the car and listened to 'Don't Speak' as she drove home to her man, the one she depended on and the one who gave her all the support she always needed.

Daryl was opening boxes in the kitchen when she walked in and he looked giddy like a child.

"What's all this?" she asked.

"You're gonna flip! Check this out! It's the coolest idea I ever had!"

She laughed herself silly at his enthusiasm and watched as he pulled out a hockey jersey with a giant evil-looking wood tick.

"You didn't..." she began.

"Isn't that cool?" he asked.

"Yes, baby, it's very cool," she relented, trying to imagine their whole shinny team in the ridiculous jerseys.

"I knew you'd like 'em! Here!" he grinned, tossing her the jersey with her name on it and the giant horrible wood tick.

"I love it, Daryl. Thank you for everything...I could never have done all this without your help and brilliant ideas."

He stood up then and walked over to her.

"I wanted to help, anything that concerns you is a priority to me."

"I love you so much...I couldn't love you more if I tried."

"Are you OK?" he asked, pulling her close.

She was the kind of happy that makes you tear up and naturally it had him worried.

"I'm great thanks to you, babe. You brought me back to life."

"Come here," he said, holding onto her in the mountain of boxes and ugly jerseys.

He took her to bed then and listened to her talk about her evening and then they made love. A year later they were still so excited to be together and nothing ever felt anything less than amazing.

The next day was full of fun and shinny, cold beer and friends. Daryl even got a wood tick jersey for the just recently walking baby Carl and everyone had to get a picture, he was adorable.

 _ **Dylan's Shinny Classic**_ was born that day and on top of the fun and hockey a lot of advice was given, information handed out and awareness spread about the issue of mental illness and suicide prevention. All of Carol's union brothers chipped in to support the mobile crisis unit and she knew they'd be there for her for life just as she'd be there for all of them.

One of the worst experiences of her life hadn't been the end for her but a new beginning. Even at the depths of despair there is always hope, it springs eternally. Carol looked around her at the families, hockey fans, kids, members of the mental health community and her man and she was completely fulfilled.

Daryl wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close.

"I bet he's looking down today and really proud of you," he whispered, and then kissed her neck.

"I hope so. I'm trying to do what I can."

"And that's why I love you so much...you're my hero."

 _ **~ The End~**_


End file.
